Often I feel like I lifetime of being single might be my destiny for some reason.

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Wow, just a few days ago, I posted that I hated being single. But now I've completely turned around.

Just recently, my friend started dating a woman he met on match.com, and at first I felt like the ugly duckling: all my peers had a girlfriend or a date except me. I felt like a loser, honestly. But then I meditated on the subject and realized something.

I watched my friend come home from his first date and he said, "Yeah. Dude, seriously, I think she's the one."

At that very moment, it hit me: there is no "one". At least, I don't believe there is.

My past relationships have been "the one," and I ended up perplexed as to how they wound up not being the "one."

My own past relationships took up all my free time. I'm a very creative person (though the quality of my creativity may be questionable), and I need my creative outlet. I need wiggle room. But with worrying about a "significant" other and trying to live up to social standards, I wasted all my time I could have been using for myself. I worried so much about how others would perceive me with this significant other, how the significant other would perceive me, that I stopped being myself and started viewing me outside looking in and self-conscious about everything I did. 

But single, I don't give a flying fuck at a rolling doughnut. I'm just myself. And it's like a burden is lifted from my shoulder when I make that transition from being in a relationship to being single. It's like: boom. I'm me.

I don't know. I just woke up after three hours of sleep and my mind isn't working at optimal efficiency quite yet. I'm not exactly sure if what I said sounded stupid or wise or what.  


I'm single and for the most part I enjoy in it.  I've only myself to answer for (and my cats). It would be nice to have that 'someone' around once in awhile though to enjoy some of the other plesures in life though.  Not in a ball and chain sort of way though.  One where each individual is still a whole in him/herself and adding to a relationship.  Two equals coming together and enjoying each other's company without the need to control the other.  And not dragging the other down with negatives/putdowns.  Sometimes it feels like it's a figment of my imagination, but everyone's entitled to dream once in awhile, right? 

I would have thought not, in this very thread I posted that; but I've recently meet some individuals through my work that i can fairly say should be single and probably will be for life.

   They are called monks, priests nuns if their religion requires celibacy and they honor that vow sincerely


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