Like the waning moon, our lives are an arc across the cosmos. For some of us, the arc of our life goes unnoticed. The natural progression from babe and toddler to youth and adult may be beyond our conscious awareness. For the mystics among us, each transition and stage of this incarnation is worthy of note, contemplation and development.

 

I experienced Death during heart surgery in 1963 and this single event has colored every aspect of my life. I'm here for a good time, not a long time (although I have it on good authority that I've not yet reached the apex of my life arc this time around). I accept and honor the cycles of life. Death holds no power or fear for me. But this incarnation I was surprised to find myself croning, and have had challenges settling into this phase of life.

 

Elderhood snuck up on me while my attention was still focused on the growing days of the natural cycle. I became a father somewhat late in life. My daughter was born when I was thirty-two and sharing this life with her has been nothing but joy and amazement. In 2009, due to some relationship issues between myself and a lover, my daughter felt that she would be happier to live with a friend rather than our family. It broke my heart and I wept tears of anguish in the library of her new high school as I accepted that her wisdom was greater than mine in this issue.

 

Alexi and I had been great team for more than a decade and a half. We could speak to each other without uttering a word. We had faced challenges that many could not imagine. Joblessness, homelessness, living in a tent in a State park, abuse by those we loved, and Fascist governments that often hindered our efforts to rise above our challenges. I felt alone. No longer did I have a wise child at my back. How wise is she? When we were homeless, and living in a tent when she was nine years old, she would sometimes ask for things I could not provide. Although it pained me to explain why I could not meet her desires, she would often say, "No, is an acceptable answer."

Alexi passed her Road Test for her Driver's License yesterday; three years after she should have. Why? Because my decisions aren't always as wise as they seem to be at the time. I bought Alexi a Ford Explorer about the time she earned her driving permit, and she drove that Explorer from Michigan to Phoenix, Arizona when we moved the the Blasted Lands in less than 52 hours. The kid can drive. But Arizona didn't recognize the validity of her training and permit to drive and demanded that we begin at square one - class work, re-permitting, etc. We flipped them the bird and Alexi continued to drive (illegally) until the Explorer developed brake problems and was ultimately towed away by the city because a fascist Home Owner's Association had issues with autos that didn't move regularly. 

 

I spent most of 2009 living in tents, in the state and national parks and forests of Louisiana. Best year of my life. Me, my dogs and the arms of the Goddess wrapped around us. During this year, my mystic growth was incredible. Study was replaced by practice, since we actually had time to practice. Deeply. A dear friend invited me to attend the Michigan Witches' Ball in October, and we returned to the Great Lakes of Avalon, and before we knew what we were actually doing, we were working again for a major banking firm and re-building our mundane life. It took half a year to find and afford a new home and we're still catching up. But our present affluence is a mirror image of our homelessness in 2009. My K-9 companions, Maximus and New Moon and I live a reclusive existence that revolves around the irony of the American Dream. I work with thousands, am respected by some, but when the day ends it's little more than Max and New Moon's monkey coming home to wiggling dog-butts and pure joy.

 

They love me more than I deserve. I'm lonely. Am I married? Often, but not anymore. I haven't been with a woman in almost three years, but not because of a lack of offers; I want someone who has a clue, and wants to share the mystic adventure. I just alienated 99% of the world's women. Cest la vie. It's what I want.

 

Oh yeah, we were ruminating on croning! I'm a crone. A lonely male crone but almost without notice I became the creepy old guy, who lives in the house in the woods with the scary black dogs (that love everyone). It seems that the next transition will lead inexorably to my next incarnation. So I'm here for an ever shrinking "Good time," not a long time.

Thank you for sharing my acceptance of life on life's terms. And if you know any hot pagan women that would love to rock my world, send them my way.
; )

 

L.V.X.
Shadow Priest 

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You've had an interesting life.... and your search is for a soulmate..... those can be hard to find.... but the universe has a way of sending them to you... (if many keys can open the same lock) I am far from croneship but have learned much from them........... good journey to you friend.

A real beautifull text and message ! Thank you for sharing it with us.

Blessed Be )O(

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