All Beliefs are Welcome Here!
As you can see in my profile, I state that I am an eclectic pagan, leaning more toward Celtic Egyptian. Well, I'm not really sure if I'm even that. I need help figuring some things out, and very badly need people of like-mind to discuss these things with. Which is why I'm here.
I used to know myself pretty well, or at least enough. I know I can, or at least used to, sense the Divine in such a way it scared "normal" people. I had an unwavering strength of faith and conscience and connection to the Divine..... until I seem to have lost it.
Now, I'm not up for going in to details as to what happened as of yet, as it still pains me greatly to discuss it. However, what I can say is I was sick for a while and things haven't been the same since.
I don't seem to really know myself anymore, and I'm not sure where I fit in. I'm really good with Tarot, though I still need a book. I love animals. I love Egypt, though I am definitely not ok with living in a desert environment.I love Victorian, 20's, and Ren-style clothes. I love the Rennaisance/Mideval period. I've had precognative and Divine dreams often, and I still have them at times (including last night), though I've been rather irresponsible and have tried to get rid of them due to their intensity, and also due to the reactions of other people. Ghosts and spirits sometimes visit me in my dreams. I feel a strong connection to Egyptian deities as well as Celtic, along with a few others from various pantheons. I may be a star child or starseed, because I feel so much more at home with the stars, yet I have a few past-life memories showing that I've been here before (or awhile) and though I don't feel the Earth as my mother, I understand she is our physical caretaker and we should reciprocate. Sometimes I'm able to feel the Divine in nature, but very rarely. I feel my Mother is Isis and my Father is Lugh, and the rest are like friends and family. I always try to do the right thing.
Is it wrong of me to feel this way? Where do I fit in? How do I piece together this mish-mash of beliefs and feelings into something more? I can't practice as I would like due to lack of privacy and quiet, so how can I make the proper adjustments and still keep powerful and meaningful?
You might find you passions in luciferianism. Keep you mind open, make you own judgment in this arte rather than adapt that of others! Liberate yourself!
lol luciferianism isn't connected to the "dark". Although I will admit there are more Luciferians who dabble in devil worship then other sects (aka witches, shamans, etc). But not all of them are like this.
You should read up on it even if you are not sure it's the path for you. Knowledge is power after all.
It's been my own experience that being comfortable in your own skin, and your direction in life, can take some time. It requires a good bit of introspection, some personal choices as to what's important to you (and what's not), and a lot of thoughtful questions like the ones you just asked here.
Unfortunately (or as I prefer to think - fortunately) Pagan practices seldom offer "out of the box" solutions. Anybody who says that they have a path specifically tailored for you that will give your life instant meaning and empowerment is probably selling a book.
We often get so obsessed with finding the correct label, path, tradition, and pantheon that we forget one of the most powerful tenants of Paganism is our ability to adopt only those ideas that are most for us individually - even if such ideas have no application to anybody else on the planet. Keep working on it. Don't be discouraged. And remember that mish-mash beliefs are perfectly okay.
Thank you so much for these words of encouragement, and yes, I have definitely been caught up in the pursuit of the "right path" for myself.
Your comment actually just hit me with something: It's true that there would be no one lable for me, and of course my feelings and beliefs would be different from others. I need to accept what I feel within myself because there's obviously a reason for it, even if it only applies to me.
I guess what I might really need is a sense of belonging, or community. It seems this site has already been a great start. Again, Thank you for your comment. You've been very helpful!
Don't worry about labels and names.
Go with your heart. If you like something then study and go after it. If you don't like something then don't sweat it! At least you read up on it or learned something about it; and therefore you have new experience you can draw from later.
I'm a Greenwitch/Occultist and I too am a Dreamweaver (aka one who speaks to the dead in their dreams/has visions in their sleep). It took me years to grow into my path....although I was born into it, it took awhile for me to know if it was the right way to go.....
Enjoy the ride.
If you love Isis so much, I recommend you join Hewet Auset, I'll provide the link:
And I recommend even more that you pray/meditate the Rosary of Isis,
which contains meditations on nearly every event in the myth of Isis.
"Where do I fit in? How do I piece together this mish-mash of beliefs and feelings into something more?"
That mish-mash is the modern mind. The mind is a tool. It is not the center or foundation. There is a center that is deeper than the mind can go. No amount of reading or research or adopted ideas/beliefs can take you there. You must find your way. Your path is yours alone, and intimately personal. It requires passion and regular practice.