Pagan Jokes

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Pagan Jokes

Pagana, witches and all other paths to come on in and give a good laugh. Its good to start the day with a good laugh to cheer you up and start the day with a smile.

Website: http://www.jokes.ning.com
Location: international
Members: 35
Latest Activity: Jan 3, 2018

Husband VS Wife

In a divorce court a woman requested the judge: "Your honor, I want to divorce my husband."

"But why ?" asked the judge. She replied, "Because he is not faithful to me."

The judge asked, "How do you know ?" She replied, "My lord, not a single child resembles him."

*********

From his death bed, the husband called his wife and said, "One month after I die I want you to marry Samy."

"Samy! But he is your enemy !" "Yes, I know that ! I've suffered all these years so let him suffer now."

*********

At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger? "

The other replied, "Yes I am, I married the wrong man."

*********

" Dad, I was away for a week. Yesterday I sent a fax to my wife I'd be home that night, and when I got into my room I found my wife in another man's arms.

" Why, Dad ? Tell me why!" Dad kept silent for a few minutes, then coolly said, "Maybe, Son, she didn't get the fax."

*********

A husband visited a marriage counselor and said, "When we were first married, I would come home from the office, my wife would bring my slippers and our cute little dog would run around barking.

Now after ten years it's all different, I come home, the dog brings the slippers and my wife runs around barking."

"Why complain?" said the counselor. "You're still getting the same service!"

*********

One woman told another : "My neighbour is always speaking ill of her husband, but look at me, my husband is foolish, lazy and a coward; but have I ever said anything bad about him?"

*********

A wife, one evening, drew her husband's attention to the couple next door and said,

"Do you see that couple? How devoted they are? He kisses her every time they meet. Why don't you do that?"

"I would love to." Replied the husband. "But I don't know her well enough."

*********

A man was telling his friends, "When my wife is infuriated, she starts shouting at me, my children and even at our dogs and nobody dares answer her."

One of his friends asked."And when you are angry, what do you do?" The man replied, "I also shout angrily at the windows and doors of the house and none of them dares to answer back.

*********

A woman was complaining to the neighbour that her husband always came home late, no matter how she tried to stop him.

"Take my advice," said the neighbour, "and do what I did. Once my husband came home at three o'clock in the morning, and from my bed I called out: "Is that you, Jim?" And that cured him.

"Cured him !" asked the woman, "but how?" The neighbour said, "You see, his name is Bill."

*********

"You looked troubled," I told my friend, "what's your problem?" He replied,
"I'm going to be a father." "But that's wonderful," I said. "What's wonderful? My wife doesn't know about it yet.

Discussion Forum

some pagan light bulb jokes

Started by cluthin drew Jul 12, 2017. 0 Replies

How many witches does it take to change a light bulb?Depends on what you want to turn it into!How many Irish Druids does it take to change a light bulb?13! One to hold the bulb and twelve to drink…Continue

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Comment by Raven and Harmony Starhunter on June 11, 2014 at 5:11pm

Comment by Moonwaters on April 1, 2010 at 5:53pm
swim top
Comment by Tamara Wyndham on January 5, 2010 at 6:40pm
Comment by Michelle Bercut on November 7, 2009 at 2:22am
A little girl went up to her mom and asked, "Mommy, why do you have gray hairs?" The mother turned to her daughter and said, "Well every time you do something bad i get a gray hair." The little girl stops and thinks about that for a minute. After a little bit she turns back to her mom and asks, "So why is Grandmas hair all gray?"
Comment by Tamara Wyndham on November 4, 2009 at 7:01pm
What do you call two witches who share a room?
Broom-mates.

How do you get milk from a witch's cat?
Steal her saucer.

Why did the witch keep turning people into Mickey Mouse?
She was having Disney spells.

What's the favorite subject of young witches at school?
Spelling.

What happens if you see twin witches?
You won't be able to tell which witch is witch.

What is the name of a witch who climbs up walls?
Ivy.

Why won't a witch wear a flat cap? Because there's no point in it.

How can you make a witch itch?
Take away her "W."

Witch: Why have you stopped playing cards with my sister ?
Wizard: Well would you play with someone who cheats all the time, is a poor loser and keeps tearing up the cards ?
Witch: No I wouldn't.
Wizard: No, well nor will she.

How does a witch doctor ask a girl to dance ?
'Voodoo like to dance with me ?'
Comment by Professor Michael Aba on October 30, 2009 at 4:33pm
DON'T CALL HOME FOR MONEY!




A fifteen year-old boy came home with a Porsche and his parents began to yell and scream,

"Where did you get that car?"

He calmly told them, "I bought it today."

"With what money?" demanded his parents.

We know what a Porsche costs.."

"Well," said the boy, "this one cost me fifteen dollars."

So the parents began to yell even louder. "Who would sell a car like that for fifteen dollars?" they asked.

"It was the lady up the street," said the boy. Don't know her name-they just moved in. She saw me ride past on my bike and asked me if I wanted to buy a Porsche for fifteen dollars."

"Oh my Goodness!," moaned the mother, "she must be a child abuser. Who knows what she will do next? John, you go right up there and see what's going on."

So the boy's father walked up the street to the house where the lady lived and found her out in the yard calmly planting petunias. He introduced himself as the father of the boy to whom she had sold a Porsche for fifteen dollars and demanded to know why she did it.

"Well," she said, "this morning I got a phone call from my husband. I thought he was on a business trip, but learned from a friend he has run off to Hawaii with his secretary and really doesn't intend to come back. He claimed he was stranded and asked me to sell his new Porsche and send him the money. So I did."

(Are women good or what?)
Comment by Professor Michael Aba on October 30, 2009 at 4:32pm
911 calls







BELIEVE it or not ,
These are Nashville , TN 's REAL 911 Calls!


Dispatcher : 9-1-1 What is your emergency?
Caller: I heard what sounded like gunshots coming from the brown house on the corner.
Dispatcher: Do you have an address?
Caller: No, I have on a blouse and slacks, why?


Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your emergency?
Caller : Someone broke into my house and took a bite out of my ham and cheese sandwich .
Dispatcher : Excuse me?
Caller : I made a ham and cheese sandwich and left it on the kitchen table and when I came back from the bathroom, someone had taken a bite out of it.
Dispatcher : Was anything else taken?
Caller : No, but this has happened to me before and I'm sick and tired of it!


Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is the nature of your emergency?
Caller: I'm trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn't have an eleven on it.
Dispatcher: This is nine eleven.
Caller: I thought you just said it was nine-one-one
Dispatcher: Yes, ma'am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing.
Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I'm not stupid.

My Personal Favorite!!!
Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What's the nature of your emergency?
Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart
Dispatcher: Is this her first child?
Caller: No, you idiot! This is her husband!

And the winner is..........

Dispatcher: 9-1-1
Caller: Yeah, I'm having trouble breathing. I'm all out of breath. Darn....I think I'm going to pass out.
Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from?
Caller: I'm at a pay phone. North and Foster.
Dispatcher: Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic?
Caller: No
Dispatcher: What were you doing before you started having trouble breathing?
Caller: Running from the Police.
 

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