This is place for people in the life style and those that are curious to get together and ethical and practical ramifications of having multiple partners.

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Discussion Forum

Double Standards

Started by Jessica. Last reply by ☽✪☾ AutumnRain ☽✪☾ Mar 3, 2014. 11 Replies

Just some Musings i've had lol

Started by Trevor Moeller. Last reply by NMDesertwytch Feb 20, 2014. 8 Replies


Started by Asher. Last reply by MoonKatt Dec 29, 2012. 2 Replies

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Comment by Ravencross on June 14, 2015 at 11:42pm

Any poly ladies in southeastern New England looking for a male partner?

Comment by Traveler on August 13, 2014 at 1:10am

That is true everyone has a way of correct in mind. Also most times it is correct for them. The friction is when they try to impose upon others that way or that a standard was not quite followed so it is wrong. Perspective is not always shared equally. And within the communities I have found the more closed of mind then outside for within they 'know' correct. Outside they will at least learn and maybe even ask questions of those within a circumstance  seen. 

Comment by hashhashin puffinstuff on August 12, 2014 at 11:43pm
*Opens Dictionary* hmmm...
Comment by Electric Blue on August 12, 2014 at 11:19pm

That is my understanding of it too, and this is why I cannot understand some of the friction I have seen. But then again it happens in all aspects of life we engage in. A person will come along and think someone else is wrong for how they practice something. 

Comment by Traveler on August 12, 2014 at 11:04pm

The first question or knowledge would be if they knew the different styles of:

Forms of polyamory include: Polyamory is a less specific term than polygamy, the practice or condition of having more than one spouse. (The majority of polygamous cultures are traditionally polygynous, where one husband has multiple wives. Polyandrous societies, in which one wife has multiple husbands, are less common but do exist.

Polyfidelity, which involves multiple romantic relationships with sexual contact restricted to only specific partners in the group (which may include all members of that group) (e.g. group marriage).
Sub-relationships, which distinguish between "primary" and "secondary" relationships (e.g. most open marriages). In 1906 H.G. Wells presented a defense of this sort of polyamory in a utopian novel entitled In the Days of the Comet.
Three people romantically involved, often called a "triad relationship." (Commonly initiated by an established couple jointly dating a third person; however, there are many possible configurations.)
Relationships between a couple and another couple (Quad).
Polygamy (polygyny and polyandry), in which one person marries several spouses (who may or may not be married to, or have romantic relationships with, one another).
Group relationships, sometimes referred to as tribes, and group marriage, in which all consider themselves associated to one another, popularized to some extent by Robert A. Heinlein (in novels such as Stranger in a Strange Land, Time Enough for Love, Friday, and The Moon Is a Harsh Mistress). Also works by Robert Rimmer, and Starhawk in her books The Fifth Sacred Thing (1993) and Walking to Mercury (1997). A domestic partnership consisting of four people who are all married to each other features in Vonda N. McIntyre's Starfarers series.
Networks of interconnecting relationships, where a particular person may have relationships of varying degrees of importance with various people.
Mono/poly relationships, where one partner is monogamous but agrees to the other having outside relationships.
So-called "geometric" arrangements, which are described by the number of people involved and their relationship connections. Examples include "triads" and "quads", along with "V" (or "Vee") and "N" geometries.
Open relationships/open marriages, where participants may have sexual liaisons with others not within their core group of partners. Some open relationships may be open only sexually, while exclusive emotionally.
Swinging: Traditionally there has been a cultural divide between the polyamorous and swinger communities, the former emphasizing the emotional aspects of plural relationships and the latter emphasizing the sexual activities of non-monogamy . It is possible for a person with polyamorous relationships to also engage in traditional Swinging and other open relationships. Those in polyamorous relationships who take part in casual sex often see it as separate from the emotional bonds they share with their polyamorous partners. However it is also possible for swingers to develop deep emotional attachments with those they have sex with, and thereby find themselves in polyamory. Such swingers in their new polyamorous relationships may or may not choose to continue swinging with others. Finally, both swingers and polyamorous people can engage in secret infidelities, but this is no better accepted by either communities than in monogamy.

Comment by Electric Blue on August 12, 2014 at 10:39pm

I get the opposite. People think I should be "allowed" to see other men. It was a personal choice for me not to do that, and I am more than happy with that decision. 

But they act like a broke a big rule of polyamory, and I thought in polyamory that it was all about choice. 

Comment by Traveler on August 11, 2014 at 8:07pm

I have found most non-acceptance is due to unknowing or miseducation of facts of the situation. Many jump to thought without reliseing to ask or want to learn truth of things. Other times the non is because of a inner something they have not recognized within themselves. Key thought is what man fears/does not understand they attempt destroy in one fashion or another.

Comment by Dream on August 11, 2014 at 7:46pm
Has anyone experienced resistance, or non-acceptance, within the poly community itself?

We have. My husband and I are polyandrous. One woman, multiple men. Most people either assume I won't allow him to have other women or they start insisting that love is infinite and we should be more open.
Comment by Traveler on August 11, 2014 at 7:33pm

For years as an traveling artist I traveled with two ladies. One was the prime or constant the second came and went. I have three children two girls that traveled with me for the first years of their lives and a son who also did so. Till school years then upon times when school was not. I found that within the traveling community the open mind to this was more than the social standard was. Also that the community atmosphere was a filling experience to them.  Also having more then two adult role models was an educational as well. For they learned many more things than just what two could have shown them. I have found that human being a choice of either 'pack' or alone is an individual choice. One because of changing social standards has gone from the standard house/fence/H&W/child to an open idea of several different set ways. Also before the 1800's it was common to have multi partner units. Some were publicly known others were secretly kept. But be it male or female as the one that whom as the deciding factor in the control. The social or public of the time was the one that governed what and how they were or were not accepted.

Comment by Dream on August 11, 2014 at 6:33pm

I'm more than happy to talk with you. :) We can all help each other. Like you, I can definitely use the support!

Svnoyi, what is it you are interested in?

Tammy, I have a few close friends who are sure that poly is unnatural. Not from a moral perspective but from a biological perspective. The argument is that humans are wired for raising offspring together. There is a specific part of the human brain, the part that makes us capable of falling in love, that makes pair-bonding possible. Over stimulation, through too many partners (as one avenue), reduces our ability to bond on deeper levels and is physically more stressful on the human body. Particularly on males. So, that's the only sort of objections I've had to deal with so far. I try to discuss only science with such people as they don't care to talk about the emotional aspects. Though, these people aren't concerned with morality.

As for going out in public, that's not a concern for me as yet. But when it comes to that point, I will behave with my guys in public as I do at home.


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