A lot of you know what the prognosis was from the doctor.  When you hear the words "...If you don't you will die" thrown at you, things tend to be a bit narrowed in your view until you can snap yourself out of it, and start making plans.  Even though I made plans what would happen if the worst truly did happen, I have decided that I am going to fight this tooth and nail.  I am the type of person that gets all of her ducks in a row, on both sides.  I also make contingency plans in case something in the other two plans don't work out.  I am still going to go to school, continue singing, and continue writing.  However, I am going to go outside more, get out in the fresh air, out in the sun a lot more.  I heard that just doing that can help a prognosis/diagnosis that I had.  I am also going to try alternative medicine of some kind.  Chemotherapy can't be the only thing that is going to save my life. 


Yes, I am scared shitless.  I can't help that.  However, I am not scared for me, I am scared for you, those I am the closest to.  Yes, I know that in the long run, you will be ok, but those of you who are my extended family, I hate the thought of hurting you in any way. You guys mean a lot to me.  You have seen me through the worst, laughed me during the best, and teased each other, and the stupid people during the between times.  So help me Apollo, we will continue to do that.  But if there are no alternative medicines, I will take the chemo. 


Thank you everyone that has stuck behind me.  When you get news like this, people tend to run the other way.  My true friends have stuck by me, and have held me up for the last few days, and I love you for it.  You don't even know how much.


I love you all



Views: 22

Comment by Verdandi on January 29, 2011 at 10:38am
I am always here for you.  and I know all will be well.  You gotta take all the treatment you can get though, I know chemo sucks but you are gonna have to do it if its what it takes to save your life. and that doesn't mean you can't do alternative treatments also.  lots of things can be combined together, and may be key in keeping you going.  Whatever happens, I'm right here beside you, to help you through it.
Comment by ValkAri on January 29, 2011 at 11:02am
Yes. I am always here for you as well Mari. You know best of all how close we really and truly are. You must take the chemo or I will bring out a certain someone to kick your ass. Not just spar. Do your best to get better and whether you need to rave, rant, or vent, or cry you can come to me. I have that six foot wide arm span that will snuggle or crush you. make your choice :) but i refuse to believe the worst, because that's all iv'e ever done. I will just keep thinking you will be ok.


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