I have always believed in past lives. I had a friend, a psychic who had done a short reading on me once about a past life...I had always found it intriguing. I asked him if he could ever give me a regression, he would tell me "Give me a few months..." this continued for many years. I did not constantly ask about it but every now and again, I brought it up...each time with the same response. I did not mind. He was a friend I could always go to if I ever needed any spiritual or life advice.

In March 2010, I was watching a DVD when suddenly I was over come by a whole lifetime flashing before my eyes. They came in an uncontrollable rushing flood of memories I could not control. People, events, and strange locations came across my vision. Especially one of a man whom when he was "looking" at me he smiled. When I finally came to, I asked the person on the TV screen "did we know each other once?" and the overwhelming feeling that came to me said "yes."

In September 2010, I saw him in person in a movie theatre. I sat three rows from the screen; he was 15 rows back from me clearly visible over my right shoulder. Before the movie started, I looked over my shoulder and was looking directly into his face. A feeling of peace overcame me, time and space disappeared. I literally forgot what I was doing, let alone my own name. I do not know how long I was looking at him, but I realized I was staring and turned around not wanting to be rude. The thing was, I am sure he could see me. During the movie there was a constant chatter in my head, I felt as though there was a childish game of "poking" happening, and I felt I was caught in a rolling waves of the ocean. It nearly made me feel ill. When the movie was over, he stood on stage directly in front of me. Watching him the peaceful feeling returned. 20 minutes later the night was over and he left. I never got a chance to speak to him personally.

For the next year following the memories continued to flow, coming to me when they pleased. It was not the memories that bothered me, it was seeing him. I thought I was losing my mind, becoming obsessed. I fought it, denied it, and the more I did the stronger the memories and feelings came. And often I broke down in tears. I kept it to myself, only telling my two closest and trustworthy friends.

In January 2011, I was still under the influence of the identity crisis of who the man was. One night before meeting friends for drinks, I took a short 20-minute nap. As I slept, I received a vision/dream that was only in cobalt blue and black. I saw his face...again, it was him...and how he died in that lifetime. Later that evening when I met with my friends I told my closest friend when we were alone the vision/dream I had, over a few beers. The conclusion finally came that night...I had enough.

February 2011 I found an affordable hypnoterapist who also specialized in past lives. Coming to her office, I was very self-conscious. She told me "I have heard it all, trust me you aren't going to tell me anything I haven't heard before." She could tell I was nervous and let me unload. As my story began, her face was calm and she nodded, but by the time my story was over her eyes opened wide and mouth was dropped open. She told me she could not believe what I told her (she did believe me but she was in disbelief at all the details I told her and the strong and strange coincidences) and that she could not wait to see what I had to say during my regressions. It felt great for once to be able to talk to someone who understood.

The day finally came when I had my regression. My hypnotherapist was very patient and compassionate with me. I was very nervous, suffering from anxiety, it was hard for me to finally step into my memories.

The first memory I saw was his face. The 700-year-old story unfolded before me was one of love, honor, tragedy, and revenge. The most prominent of memories was his last promise to me as he lay dying in my arms, "I will find you."

Since then more memories came, dreams, and visions each time caused by his face. Each regression I had since kept coming back to that lifetime. It was like something would not let me let it go. I have had many readings from psychics on this matter. More than once, I was told "you are going to meet him in a park" and "the one you are searching for is trying just as hard to find you". And twice I have been told "sorry dear it’s all in your head." One of those was just recent...and that the memories were real just the one who "triggered" them was not him. Even though the two look exactly alike (especially the eyes, he even has the same voice, and personality)

So what am I to believe?

I now live my life trying to be a better person. I am not saying I am going to "give up" just work on living my life. If it is meant to be, it is. I do want to see him again more than anything but I cannot sit around and wait for that day in the park.

Since that day I recovered my memories I have become a stronger person. I have overcome my crippling anxiety. I have learned that there are some things that time cannot erase and distance cannot separate. I have learned about love, spirituality, and the soul.

More so, I have learned about myself, fate, and destiny.

I have learned why now my friend never gave me that regression. It was not the right time then...and by opening one can of worms...leaves another to be opened.

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