My father passed away Tuesday, October 25th.  I feel the need to ramble a bit so I hope no one minds that I do that here.  My father has been battling cancer for some time, however it was still sudden.  Honestly, this was the type of man you never expected to go.  I am sure we all feel that way about some one we love. To say the least I am heartbroken.  The very least. 

My parents divorced when I was 2 and my father won custody of me.  He didn't remarry until after I graduated high school.  My father was an entertainer, performing snake shows, exotic animal shows and was featured on several television programs.  And he was a Christian...raised me on the front pew (literally) at church.  Although, later in my life I turned away from the way he believed he never pushed me or tried to convince me other wise.  He simply just loved me. 

My father had a very twisted sense of humor and several times the family and I would bust out into laughter over the craziness of it all.  I keep thinking how funny dad would have found some things.  Such as the "Dignity memorial" water bottles. 

I hate the fact he won't see my children graduate, or me turn 40.  I hate the fact I won't see him again or talk to him again.  I hate the fact I can't ask him his opinion and do it my way anyway.  I simply hate he is gone. 

I know I will survive this. I know that, but for right now, I just want to curl up and cry and for a good long time.  I am scared this feeling of loss and pain and emptiness will not go away.

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Comment by Odinsbacklash on October 31, 2011 at 4:20pm

This is sad.I feel for you.

 

I lost my father on New Years Eve,it'll be 2 years.

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