i know i talk about this alot. but frankly im a dreamer. i need something to hope for. if i had the money i would have a pagan retreat, a campground of sorts where i could socialize with like minded people. thats the part of me that craves socialization. theres a part of me that wants to build a wiccan temple. a place to keep all my treasures, and gather more than just a shelf or two. i want to have shelves of crystals, and all sorts of curios. i like to collect things, and i just wish i had the money and the space to devote to my craft. if i had the money i would donate to worthy causes such as to save endangered species, or the rainforest. i would try to do some good in this world, perhaps by donating money to cancer research, or something to help others. i just want to help everyone. i hate to see anyone in pain, or suffering needlessly. i would build womens shelters and fund sids research in honor of my nephew kristian who died at 3 months of age. there are so many worthwhile things i could do. i just want to be remembered when i die as a person who gave back to this world. i figure ive done enough in this world i should atone for, so many regrets that i have because i was young and foolish. so many mistakes. so many things i wish i could take back. i may not deserve it, but i wish that fate would give me a second chance to make things right. there has to be some good i can do in this world. i cant be remembered if i do nothing. and my biggest fear is being forgotten. it would be as if i never existed at all. and whats the point in that?life is so precious, it can be taken away at any time. nothing else is so fragile as holding a living being in your hands. its the most beautiful feeling in the world. to know that life depends on you, its humbling. its why i love being a mother.