Well today is day #10 from my stay at BHC in Sherman, I am basically existing. All is not as it should be. I think perhaps I was let out too soon. Carol quit me.. The supervisor from Quality Health is on his way to my home as we speak to hire in Jonetta... A old aid of mine who I fired. She was very undependable.. But I know her!! Does that make sense. I will not require her to work the 13 hours allotted to her. So, I'm back to the Solitary bit. I am so behind on my Witchy studies it is pathetic. I can't stay out of the bed any longer than a couple of hours.. Bedridden for the most part since I have come home. Never got out the bed Thanksgiving. I never have done holidays well, at least not in a long while..It will be especially hard for the next month as they are upon us. You would thinks would have gotten better by now.. I have lost some friends.. Church is out of the question anymore.. I will not be stupid again and try to do Wicca and Church together.. NO, I will no betray my Goddess again. There are crystal blue skies in the great state of Texas.. And the temperature is mild, a quite pleasant day. I am in no mood for company and my house is a wreck.. I haven't even unpacked my bag from the hospital.. Maybe something inside me tells me I will return. I just don't know, I hate it there, but at least I will be safe. I don't trust myself today. Nor have I for the whole return home. The weekend was a very close call. Almost tried to put life into my own hands once again, but thought to myself..How stupid and how utterly selfish to think again of those things. I don't see anyway to the Big City..Dallas, Texas. It's about 65 miles South of me. A thriving witch and gay filled City. In due time, in all due time. Well Mr. Joseph is late.. Anytime now.. Knock..knock here I am. Just lit some wonderful incense. Yoga is the name of it.. Wonderfully smelling stuff. Well, I have decided that I am never going to let my beard and my hair feel the sensations of a barber or hair cutters. Jonetta, my new aide, cut my hair right before I did the deal Nov 6th. Not he back though, no..not the back..Jonetta, I knew her when I was 8 years old. I was best friends with her brother Joe, who died of epilepsy many years ago. He was a handsome young man. Very much so.. Blond haired, swimmers belly like me. Blue eyes. Marty, his and Jonetta's mother moved here several years back.. She is my gambling cohort. I love her to pieces. She got me hooked on a gambling addiction..oh how she loves to play. I owe her so I'm taking her gambling next Friday night. Payday at last. A $20 spending limit will be enforced. I wont be quite so poor next month. But I am worried about a $300 loan collateral check will try to cash from my now closed bank account. I am not responsible enough at this point to hold a checking account. No, I have to make that a priority next month. Save save save.. INDEED!!
A new road is to be travelled this next month, a new me is going to spring forth and spread my wings while I throw fire from my nostrils. Yeah, I'm going to be ok. Indeed. Well Jonetta called and I told her he needed to be here. Joseph, her boss.. Who should be here is due..as I said, anytime. MY house..goodness, I hope Jonetta will work this evening. My trash needs dumped, kitchen swept and mopped and geeeee, I need to eat, I have only had two cans of soup since I have been back home. 10 days! Not good, oh and about 6 cans of ensure. So, I haven't completely lost my senses. Alcoholism.. I Desire a drink today as never before and that scares and worries me. Isn't it time for my drinking days to be over. One would think, especially those of you who have kept up my story. But I just don't know. It seems my life has no purpose since mom and Kevin left me last year. I do not plan on putting any for December..all it except blessed Yule. I hope these stories don't get boring and repetitive. Well now..where is everybody? I dislike tardiness and am not happy. I am a little long winded today.. But I am getting my life back in order. A second at a time. Oh but I think I will really like Jonetta, Marties daughter. Well I don't have to worry what the neighbors think about crazy little ole me. I don't care what they think. I am me, I will always be, perhaps a little off. As I told each of you..l am a survivor. I am getting concerned now. They. (Jonetta and Joseph aren't here yet.) Jonetta was at her last client's house. Who lives directly in front of my duplex. Just a few feet away from her doorway. This is all said as a update in the home front. All is not as it should be and I am not were I want to be, not where I was, and so glad and fortunate to be alive. And like the way things are pointing at today. My first real day alive from my slumber and sorrow, pain, and depression. Feelings of abandonment and isolation. No, David came by and stayed about 15-20 minutes with me early this morning. That was really nice. He took care of the litter box and my precious Colleen. She was so surprised to see me home. She's got a good 10 years of life left. She's my baby. Mean as shit, she wont allow anyone to pet her. Bless her heart, she's a daddy's girl. Ok I've rambled enough.. Oh... in a message to my wonderful Psychic Knight friends, I have decided to start chatting in the chatroom there now. I went for the first time last night and it was very nice, I felt as though I belonged again. So maybe I was wrong.. I do have a purpose. I have a Made up mind. With all that said we will return to the regularly scheduled blog..just waiting to be told. Blessings to each of you..
Where in the hell are they at?
Most of all the techs here are Christian. I think that is neat. I don't suppose I am going to have any visitors. Tsk. Tsk. Tsk, oh well! It sure gets lonely here, Maybe later Kevin and Tim from church will come, as y'all know Kevin is my best friend. Kevin keeps saying Tim is trying to find a car to come visit. Well, they're not bringing mine. NO WAY, I will never let Kevin use my car again. The risks are just to great. What with his epilepsy, no telling when he might have a seizure. Maybe while driving my car. Just can't take that chance anymore. No, just can't. When I was in the nut-ward.. He used my my car and I worried the whole time. Blast it all, I wont go through that again. Jodi, my dear friend from church offered to start caring for my plants and my precious Collen.. She really does a good job cleaning and taking care of things.
(Well what the hey...where are they?) well I just don't know....
Ok he called and decided to wait till 1:30 tomorrow to come.. I have to lie down. Wait until darkness to continue.
My favorite tech is working the hall next to me. She just brought me some clean sheets and a blanket..Bless her heart. I wish she was working my hall. She is going to come at 3pm to wrap my wounds so I can take a nicew shower. She is going to check the break room and see if they have stocked it with ensure or boost. As she also brought me a comfy pillow and ice..dang that girl is spoiling me. I think she has the hots for this little queer. For shame..for shame. Boy, breakfast was horrible. Boiled eggs (yuck), ham, hash-browns and oatmeal. The oatmeal wasn't too bad, though I am not a big fan on oatmeal. I think I will color for awhile.
They picked up everybody's lunch tray but mine. The nurse got mad at me for asking for my pain medication to early. Then she got mad because she had to hunt me down to give it to me. Geese, I can't win for losing. Seems like there must be a full moon, what with the attitudes today. Writing sloppy, so I'll go for awhile. Well, I colored good. I really enjoy coloring. I took a nap at 2 and didn't arise until 3:30. Christina, my sweetheart bandaged my legs and where the IV was on my arm and I took a shower.. AHH, it was so nice. I unwrapped the bandages afterwards and boy did it hurt. Blood went everywhere. Tomorrow I'm not going to take as shower. I usely only bathe every other day. It should be sufficient. We had hamburgers and fries for dinner, it was scrumptous. Just that the fries were cold and weren't very good.. But the hamburger..ummm. I went and sneaked a ensure for desert and I went and smoked. When I got back to my room, there was a chocolate ensure waiting on me. Today has passed quickly. I like days like this. And Christina went above and beyond her call of duty today. Maybe I'll go straight and marry her. Johnny B from church called at 1 or 2 and we chatted a bit. Sister Jodi called around 4:15pm and said Kevin had a seizure at church today. That's exactly why I don't want the man driving my car. He is prone to a seizure at any time. Oh dear, I just had a case of diarrhea. I hate when that happens, which is quite frequently.
That will be the all for now precious friend and reader. It is time for this little man to rest awhile. Hope it has been a great day for you. I will leave you with thought..
"If today was the last day of your life..how would you spend it?"