Q:How many Druids does it take to change a light bulb?
A: They don't screw in light bulbs, they screw in Stone Circles.

Q: How many Druids does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Thirteen! One to hold the bulb and 12 to drink enough to make the room spin.

Q: How many years does it take a Druid to change a light bulb?
A: 21, unless you're Irish.

Q: How many Family traditionalists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Candle light was good enough for our ancestors, it's good enough for us!

Q: How many Brit.Trad WItches does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Thirteen. One to change the bulb, and 12 to mourn the passing of the old bulb.

Q: How many Gardnerian witches does it take to change a light bulb?
A: It's a third degree secret.

Q: How many years does it take a Gardnerian witch to change a light bulb?
A: A year and A day in an Outer Grove, a year and a day at first level, a year and a day at second level, but only third levels change light bulbs.

Q: How many Alexandrian witches does it take to change a light bulb?
A: "Lets go see how the Gardnerians do it!"

Q: How many years does it take an Alexandrian Witch to change a light bulb?
A: That's the Maiden's Job. Maiden - Make it so.

Q: How many Starhawk Witches does it take to change a light bulb?
A: (plaintively) "There are starving villages in Africa that don't even HAVE light bulbs..."

Q: How many years does it take a Starhawk Witch to change a light bulb?
A: Well, it depends how hard you study, but you can do it now if you are solitary.

Q: How many solitary Witches does it take to change a light bulb?
A: (if they actually ask 'how many?', drum your fingers and stare at them as you wait for them to grasp the obvious)

Q: How many years does it take for a solitary Witch to change a light bulb?
A: How long does it take to get one out of the closet?

Q: How many years does it take a Kitchen Witch to change a light bulb?
A: Its already been changed.

Q: How many years does it take a White Light Wiccan to change a light bulb?
A: Look deep within and find your true essence. That will tell you how long it will take.

Q: How many Frost "School of Wicca" Witches does it take to change a light bulb?
A: "Just you! That's right, YOU! And for only $195 we'll send you our complete "Witches Magic Power of Light Bulb Changing Course" with real knowledge that you can apply this to ANY light bulb ANYWHERE! Listen to the testimony of a young couple from Wisconsin who..."

Q: How many Erisians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: "How many of them are there?"

Q: How many Wiccans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Four. One for each quarter.

Q: How many members of IOT does it take to screw in a leigh?
A: Sorry, that ritual is copyrighted.

Q: How many Proteans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: I can't tell you--they never change a light bulb the same way twice!

Q: How many Proteans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: How many will fit?

Q: How many Buckland Witches does it take to change a light bulb?
A: "Refer to my second book, "Practical Light Bulb Changing" by Raymond Buckland..."

Q: How many Pagans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Six. One to change it, and five to sit around complaining that light bulbs never burned out before those damned Christians came along.

Q: How many Thelemites does it take....
A: None, Every One of them is a Star.

Q: How many Witches does it take to change a light bulb?
A: What do you want it changed into?

Q: How many Witches does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, they do it in great rites.

Q: How many Golden Dawners does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One to hold the ladder, one to hold the bulb, three to decipher the Light Bulb Ritual from the Secret Chiefs, one to publish it, and one to sue all the others.

Q: How many NRDers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 14. One to do it, one to write poetry about it, and 12 to hold a Council and decide whether or not the poem's authentic.

Astrology

Q: How many Aries does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but it takes a hell of a lot of light bulbs.

Q: How many Taurus does it take to change a light bulb?
A: What, me move?

Q: How many Gemini does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 2

Q: How many Cancer does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but he has to bring his mother.

Q: How many Leos does it take to change a light bulb?
A: A dozen. One to change the bulb, and eleven to applaud.

Q: How many Virgos does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One to clean out the socket, one to dust the bulb, one to install, and two engineers to check the work.

Q: How many Libras does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Libras can't decide if the bulb needs to be changed.

Q: How many Scorpios does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They LIKE the dark.

Q: How many Sagittarians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One to install the bulb, and a Virgo to pick up the pieces.

Q: How many Capricorns does it take to change a light bulb?
A: The light's fine as it is.

Q: How many Aquarians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Have you asked the bulb if it WANTS to be changed?

Q: How many Pisceans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: What light bulb?

Q: How many astrologers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: "Don't ask me now, Mercury's retrograde!"


General...

Q: How many New Agers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Five. One to change it and four to share the experience!

Q: How many New Agers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: (in a flaky voice) We don't use light bulbs, we just think happy thoughts at our quartz crystals and they glow.

Q: How many years does it take for a New-ager to change a light bulb?
A: Well, it takes many many years, unless you pay $650 US non refundable, Visa or MC accepted. Then you can do it after the weekend intensive training seminar.

Q: How many Boulderites (as in Boulder, CO, mecca of new agers) does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They just join self-help groups to learn to live with darkness in their lives.

Q: How many Odinists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 21, one to hold the light bulb, 20 to drink till the world spins.

Original Author Unknown



Q: If a Witch practices on the beach, is she a Sandwich?


Q: What's Wiccan, flies around, and makes honey?
A: The Blessed Bee!

Q: What do you say to an angry witch?
A: Ribbit

Q: What's the difference between a New Ager and a Pagan?
A: A decimal point. An item you'll pay $300 to a New Ager for, you can get from a local Pagan for $30.

Q: How do you tell a New Age witch from a NeoPagan Witch?
A: You throw them both in the water. The NeoPagan Witch will float, whereas the New Age Witch will sink under the weight of all their overpriced crystals....

Q: What happens when a Ceremonial Magician gets angry?
A: He goes Qua-ballistic.



Blonde Jokes


Q: Why did the blond pagan have a lasso?
A: She wanted to draw down the moon.

Q: Why did the blond pagan have a remote control?
A: She wanted to channel.

Q: How can you tell a blonde pagan closed the circle?
A: There's white-out on the floor.



Pagan RedNeck Jokes


You might be a Redneck Pagan if...

If you think "widdershins" refers to the calves of the bereaved lady next door....

If you think fetch deer is a command you give yer dawg....

If you think a goblet is a young turkey....

If you think Drawing Down the Moon means demolishing the outhouse....

If you call your coven mates "Bud" and "Sis"....

If you think a Great Rite is turning onto County Road 13....

If your Quarter candles smell like kerosene....

If you pronounce "Athame" as "Athaym" and "Samhain" as "Sammon" or "Sam-hayn"....

If you think a "Sidhe" is a girl....

If your idea of the "Goddess" is the Coors Swedish Bikini Ski Team....

If your Bard plays the banjo....

If your 'Long Lost Friend really IS....

If your lawn is decorated with at least one, preferably two or more, plastic pink flamingos, whom you regard as your familiars....

If your Wand of Power is a cattle prod....

If your ceremonial belt has your name on the back and a belt buckle bigger than your head....

If you call the Quarters by invoking "Billy, Joe, Jim and Bob"....

If you call the Gods by hollerin' "Hey y'all, watch me!"....

If your favorite robe has the logo of a manufacturer of major farm equipment on the back....

If you've ever harvested ritual herbs with a weed wacker....

If your ritual staff is a double barrel shotgun....

If your ritual garments include any one of the following: plaid flannels, long johns, a pistol belt, or cowboy boots....

If you've ever blessed chewing tobacco or snuff....

If your ritual wine is Maddog 20/20, Night Train or White Lady 21....

If the instructions to get to your Covenstead include the words "After you turn off the paved road"....

If your altar-cloth is a rebel flag....

If you use junk cars to mark the four corners of your circle....

If your Eternal Flame just happens to be under a still....

If you use an engine block for an altar....

If your High Priestess is your cousin - as well as your wife....

If, when drawing down the moon, you say, "Ya'll come on down, ya hear?"....

If your pickup truck has an Athame rack....

If your crystal ball is made of polystyrene (i.e., a bowling ball)....

If your High Priestess has a spittoon on her altar....

If you think chewing tobacco is a sacred herb

If you choose your high priest with a bealching contest and the high priestes with a wet t-shirt contest

If you go on coven retreats teh a truck ralley or a tractor pull

If you use a buswiser mug as your sacred chalice

If your God Statue looks a little too much like Elvis

If you make it to the 3rd Degree and still haven't made it to the 3rd Grade



Circle Etiquette (varied sources)

Never summon Anything you can't banish.

Never put asafoetida on the rocks in the sweat lodge.

Do not attempt to walk more than 10 paces while wearing all of your ritual jewelry, dream bags and crystals at the same time.

When proposing to initiate someone, do not mention the Great Rite, leer, and say, "Hey, your trad or mine?"

Never laugh at someone who is skyclad. They can see you, too.

Never, *ever* set the Witch on fire.

Looking at nifty pictures is not a valid path to mastering the ancient grimoires. Please read thoroughly and carefully from beginning to end so that your madness and gibberings will at least make some sense.

A good grasp of ritual and ritual techniques are essential! In the event of a random impaling, or other accidental death amongst the participants, (see next rule) a quick thinker can improvise to ensure successful completion of the Rite. Make them another sacrifice, Demons really love those those.

Watch where you wave the sharp pointy items.

Avoid walking through disembodied spirits.

Carry an all-purpose translator's dictionary in case the ritual leader begins talking in some strange and unknown language.

Avoid joining your life force to anything with glowing red eyes.

If asked to sign a contract or pact and you are experiencing doubts or reservations, sign your neighbor's name. Malevolent entities rarely ask for photo ID.

Blood IS thicker than water. Soak ritual garments an extra 30-45 minutes.

While drunken weaving may be mistaken for ecstatic dancing, slurring the names of Deities is generally considered bad form.

If the ritual leader should ask for a volunteer, resist the urge to raise your hand! While it is true that volunteering will most likely gain you stature and prestige amongst the group, thereby allowing you to advance quickly through the ranks, it is equally likely to get you strapped to a table and eaten alive by a drooling demonic horde.

Views: 28

Comment

You need to be a member of PaganSpace.net The Social Network for the Occult Community to add comments!

Join PaganSpace.net The Social Network for the Occult Community

© 2019 PaganSpace.net       Powered by

Badges | Privacy Policy  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service