I have a friend who is 21. She began dating a man who is 45. Her family is refusing to support her choice. They feel like he's going to keep her from her famiy. He says family is important to him and he won't do that. Her mom says she doesn't like him.

Is there any advice to give them to help her family be more accepting of her decision?

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Why is it sick? They are both adults.....

As I've said to others in previous comments on this post. 1) They are both consenting adults so it's no ones business except for theirs. 2) You don't know them well enough or their situation to judge them so harshly. My dad's parents were 60 and 40 when I was born, a clear 20 year age difference and they had 7 children and were happily married until his death and then a few years later her own. My husband is 8 years older than I and I met him when I was 15  and still in High School. Next month is our 6 year anniversary. You don't know that he is just looking for young tail. What does this have to do with morals? They are both consenting adults, there is nothing morally wrong with what they are doing, they might not even be sleeping together for all you know. Morals in today's world?? What about in the past where men were married but had affairs and there were no repercussions, the wife had to over look it. But if she had an affair she'd be beaten or worse? All the kings or anyone with power of the past who had tons of flings while being married and their wives remained silent? Present day isn't the only time people were "unmoral" the past holds a lot of corruption and immorality as well, but in the present people don't go around trying to hide it anymore because people are too damn nosey and like this kind of dramatic gossip. I hope this lasts for as long as they wish it to and wish them happiness and the power to prove everyone wrong just like my grandmother and I did. 

Damn gramps is a pimp. Meanwhile ,to take your mind off those wrinkly balls, play this game...

http://www.jesusdressup.com/index.html

Had a niece that married someone 27 years her senior my brother had a cow and then I pointed out he had 4 different wives and was single again and so your freaked for what reason I asked, worse that could happen is it don't work out for her and your proof that people survive break ups.

My advise to her would be live YOUR life for YOU and others can get on board or blow off. It is after all her life and if she's happy screw the world and all her family. Besides she's the one dating this guy not her mom so who cares if her mom don't like him. Hell I have a son-in-law I can't stand but I ain't the one waking up next to the twitt so not my issue and the daughter seems happy enough, he doesn't bother coming to family events but the daughter does, but he's a coward too...personal opinion there by the way.

I hear you Kix.....our society in general has a built in opinion regarding age differences between the sexes. And I find it to be very hypocritical and confusing.  We certainly have a bias about older men hooking up with much younger women and often these much younger women subconsciously do seek out a father image, especially when their own father has abandoned them at an early age. I many other countries it's not a big deal (not referring to forced child bride marriages which is SO not ok) if either sex chooses to live/date/marry the opposite sex who is either much younger or much older. How about the many women who choose a much younger man? I agree, it's their life not ours and she is of age. Maybe she just needs to go through this in order to work through an issue she can only do with dating/marrying a father figure. Their might be many different psychological dynamics going on here that we are not privy to. As long as he is not controlling her or abusing her I say let them work it out. Chances are the relationship won't last long. Let's not confuse pedophiles with two consenting adults. I've dated people twenty years younger than me and twenty years older than myself. I found issues in both scenarios and now choose to date someone my own age. Either way it ultimately is between these two people. No, I would not be happy if my daughter dated someone with a huge age difference but I'm not living her life and she is a grown woman.I believe  this goes for both straight and gay/lesbian relationships as well. I know a gay couple who have been together for 20 yrs and there is an 18 yr age difference between them and they are still going strong. Blessings, Ianna:)

When both parties are adults over the age of 21, then yes age is just a number. I don't see how you get pedophile and molesting children out of a relationship between two adults actually.

You may not date a 21 one year old and that is your choice. But it's not everyone's choice.

                               Age is nothing but a number

I thought that was something dirty old men said to much younger women when they are trying to chat them up, along with "Where have you been all my life?" (answer "For the first 2 thirds I wasn't even born!")

I think this is a phase on the girls part but I can see her parents point of view. In 20 years this man might well need a carer/nursemaid.

Hey, Ive had dirty old women say the same thing to me.
Play your cards right next time that happens and you could be the toy boy plaything of a wealthy old cougar.

Its just dating, its not marriage - as they say you have to kiss a lot of frogs!

My chap is 10 years older than me and has an ex wife and 2 grown up children. We have been together 10 years. I know the age difference is not in the same league plus I am a bit (ahem) older than 21 but if you don't try things, you don't know if they suit you or not. Her family might be right to be wary but sometimes others making a big deal out of things makes you do things anyway or might make her stay in the relationship longer than she might want to just so that they can't say "told you so" or similar.

The needing a carer or nursemaid scenario is not a fair one to use though. My chap is a type 1 diabetic and has been since his mid 20's so he has been diabetic longer than he hasn't and I am well aware of our potential future and my father, who is in his mid 70's, is healthy, nowt ails him.

she is only 21, plenty of time to make mistakes and learn from them and know what she does/doesn't want in a future partner.  

My wife is 8years younger than me. Her folks tried to create the same drama. Don't participate in the games and do participate in all of the family events.

maturity vs age?

Once age of majority is reached, is age the issue, or should maturity be the matter?

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