All Beliefs are Welcome Here!
I was wondering who out there lives a less than traditional lifestyle. By alternative lifestyle I mean a lifestyle that the majority would find strange or weird or taboo. (ie live in an open marriage, are a nudist, live in an ecovillage, swingers etc.)
I am cerious to hear about those of you who do because I could use some support! I will very soon be living an alternative lifestyle myself. I will be living in a longdistance marriage. (no hes not in the military) I will be getting married in june but me and my soon to be husband will be living 2 hours or about 100 miles apart. Now most of my family has been nothing but supportive and completely understand our reason for needing to do this arrangement temperarly (for at least 2 years but probably not more than 5). Although not all of my family is so understanding. I have a sister that clearly looks at this kind of marriage as taboo and not proper and I don't think most of the people around where Andrew will be living would be so understanding either so we will be keeping our marriage a secret untill we can live together again.
So I was wondering how do you out there who live a "taboo/alternative" lifestyle deal with nosie people who find out and ask question especially if you know their wanting to know just so they can judge you and know just how "stange" you are. I just want a little insight as to this kind of thing.
I guess a good description would be that my wife and I are in an open marriage and I'm in the military, which means that from time to time the relationship becomes long distance. Also we're pagans with oposing beliefs and yet we still have the time to hand out relationship and spiritual advise like free biskits. Oh, and we play eachothers wingman whenever we go out.
I believe the best way to handle people who ask questions just to turn around and smack talk you are best dealt with by telling them to "eat a DICK!" Jen strongly disagrees. She tells me that I oversimplify matters, but I believe that by caring about other peoples opinions you over complicate. Also I only share certain details with certain people. As for family members who wanna judge. Just remind them that it's your husband, your marriage, and your life. (Being polite about it isn't always necessary). Hell when my "Jesus Freak" aunt (steriotypical name is VERY accurate) decides she wants to hit me over the head with her opinions, I simply mention certain beliefs of mine which scare her, or I'll poke severe holes in her beliefs, basically say anything that offends her and yet falls short of disrespectfull. That usually gets her to leave me alone.
As for the long distance thing, I'm afraid I can't give an unbiased opinion since I've spent a year in an international marriage while deployed. So to me two hours just to see someone is virtually nothing.
The trick to living an "alternative" lifestyle is not to see it as alternative at all. I'm as normal as can be, it's everyone else who's crazy.
To many ppl, I live in "alternative" relationship persay because I'm a lesbian & I'm a Witch. So for me, I'm fully aware of how ppl talk behind my back or even to my face. I just let them have their own opinions because I can not change what they feel or think. Its their problem, not mine. I'm happy & as long as Im happy, I know Im ok- no one can bring me down other than myself.
I have a sister that clearly looks at this kind of marriage as taboo and not proper and I don't think most of the people around where Andrew will be living would be so understanding either so we will be keeping our marriage a secret untill we can live together again.
I find it hard to believe in this day and age that people would consider a long-distance marriage taboo. I work for a professional whose husband is away most of every quarter of the year working across the continent. They have a few days together here and there throughout the year. No one thinks anything unusual about it.
My advice to be taken in your own way or whatever you wanna glean from it:
Don't take crap off of anyone. You know what you are doing is the right thing, and just act like you don't have any idea that someone would think anything different. when questioned just give them a look and say something clever about how you didn't know there was anything wrong with it, what could you possibly think is wrong with it? and then give them a look like their crazy when they answer (this will make them slightly uncomfortable and not want to continue the conversation) and just not have any of it. Laugh at replies, and debunk them, and don't give in an inch with your voice or posture that they're getting to you. Just carry an air that you're doing the right thing, and never let people deflate you. I've used this tactic many times, and found that people will either accept it or just not ask you about it ever again but the badgering usually stops. And its not like you have to worry about a lot of people right? There is only so many people that really matter, so stop worrying about *people* in general or *them* because you are you and *they* don't care so why should you? And be polite about it, so they can be mad that they're not able to put you down but not thinking "what a bitch"
and this is used for acquaintances that will ask about your life, and you may work with or spend time with in some fashion but they aren't on your girls night list or matter in a big way
I think the number 1 thing is to be comfortable with yourself and your decisions.Everybody else- don't worry about it! I find it good to have a few phrases to cut rude people off- they are simply just assuming things that are simply not your reality.
I'm a married lesbian in a state without gay marriage. I consistently refer to my wife as my wife. I don't try and hide it, and I state it pretty factually to others. If others ask questions semi/rudely I tell them I went out of my way to get married in a state where it was legal so I could call her my wife. That usually ends the conversation just fine. People who want to get to know me and build a relationship/maintain a relationship are more interested in how I feel, my struggles and my strengths. They celebrate with me.
Alternative lifestyle? Hmm. I don't think of my lifestyle as in any way alternative its me. I live alone in a very rural area. It took a long time to make the break from family and city surroundings but I'm glad I did it works for me.
I don't think there is anything wrong with a long distance marriage it might be the only one I could tolerate now and no that's not a hint!
Enjoy your life if you are doing what you want and harming none you are.
I belong to that "club" as well Moonlit.. although I'm past the cougar stage.. we don't pay attention to the looks any more but every now and then we are caught off guard.. and as you say the reply to those who are curious usually leaves them spechless and/or embarrassed..
I don't know if you would call this a lifestyle.. we are just two people who happen to be different ages..
Two of my friends are in such relationships, they say the only difference is music! The shared memories are there of course but one has more old favourites.
I can't say either appear much different to anyone else in lifestyle.
I suppose much of society hasn't caught up with age-difference relationships where the woman is older than the man.. so they know nothing better than to put us in the "cougar" category not even knowing what the term means.. :)
We seem to love to put people in boxes or categories. perhaps its because it makes some of us less nervous of what seem new ideas.
I should stress that if anyone thinks older woman younger man is new they are wrong. I used to work with pensions and I can tell you it happens a lot and has been happening for a very long time. Most couples may choose not to draw attention and most people can't guess. It shows up on pension applications where DOB is a necessity.
i live in a forest preserve and have as little to do with human "civilisation" as i possibly can, and i love it. i also practice magic constantly, even around other people. :)