All Beliefs are Welcome Here!
So when my husband was in highschool he dated a girl on and off for three years named Kristen. He was always in and out of trouble. Sold drugs, did drugs, constantly arrested, etc. So she was embarrassed of him. She never took him to meet her parents (In three years!!), he was never allowed in her house (her parents didn't even know he existed). And she wouldn't have sex with him (which wouldn't be a big deal if she hadn't been screwing every other guy in the school). Lets face it the relationship was messed up on BOTH ends. They broke up Junior year. JUNIOR YEAR PEOPLE. That is age 17.
Now, I started dating Tom when he was 20. So three years between their relationship. And when she heard he was dating (GASP!) a 17 yr old girl she showed up at one of his parties. This is when it all started. I don't blame her for showing up. Curiosity of who has come after and what not. And as she started to move in a did the crazy rawr-bitch-thats-my-man move to get her to back off. Maybe that has something to do with what she is doing now?
So. FIVE years after starting dating Tom and I decide that we are definitely in love. That we want children and a family. We have both matured a lot and know that this is what we want in life. With EACH OTHER. And the second that ring is on my finger and the Save the Dates are out EVERYONE in out area knows. -TOM- is getting married (trust me, with his past people thought he was dead, not settled into the city with a woman and three cats xD). Well Kristen hears of this. Between the party and our engagement we had heard ANYTHING out of her. Suddenly mutual friends are rushing to us telling us how Kristen is FLIPPING out. She is offended that we wouldn't speak with her first, how she is enraged that we would get married and not think about HER feelings. At first we are both laughing because this bitch is just crazy. A year of planning to the wedding and Tom gets a new job an HOUR outside of the city. HOUR PEOPLE. While I admit we know her older sister lives near his job (a restaurant) she starts showing up there. And he just ignores her while she stares. Then the wedding comes around and she is throwing a fit saying she is insulted that we haven't invited her. After the wedding we move closer to Tom's job and she starts showing up EVERY week.
Well the last month she seems to have gotten the idea that Tom isn't going to talk to her so she starts walking up to the bar, ignoring people telling her she can't, and starts talking to him while he is working. So she has started going on about how much Tom and I love each other. And why he treats me so much better than her. And why he never answers her texts. Or if tom and I want children (when he said yes he said that she looked like she was about to cry). All these weird question. Well about two weeks ago she showed up during an open interview process for waitresses and told Toms boss that she and him were SO close and he told her to come up and try for a job and that he would back her and everything. Tom flips the fuck out and goes to his boss, telling him she is lying, that she has followed him all the way out here from Detroit and that he doesn't want her hired because she is obviously crossing lines.
So he just texted me saying that when he came into work today she was in uniform and being trained. He is PISSED. Now we are moving VERY far away (five hours north) in three months because we bought a house. We will be living near a ski resort that our friend has told us they know she has gone to a few times. With her sister as her last excuse we are starting to get worried that this girl is truly sick and is stalking him. So far only people within out family and a few friends (that she doesn't know) know that we are moving (he is only giving notice of moving today so he can train his replacement) but now we know if she is working there she is going to know we are moving and she might follow us. AGAIN. Do you think this is stalking and we could get restraining order against her or is there not enough evidence?
The relationship was 'sick' from the beginning. At this point it sounds like she can't enough of the crazy so she is trying to get closer to the object of her affliction.
You may or may not have enough for a restraining order, but consider this.. it is only a piece of paper and it is easy for the stalker personality to justify that it doesn't apply to them. In her mind it is all about you trying to keep her away from him, and "he really loves her" so he won't mind it if she still shows up.
Five hours travel time will help, but you would do better if that had been to some place that was not an entertainment destination. Then if she shows up there is no doubt that it is stalking, and not a "happy coincidence" type of event.
Tom is a second degree black belt in Sanchin Ryu so I know he can defend himself, but not against a gun. But I think you have a good point about going to the police to at least let them know that there is an issue. His boss is already unsatisfied with her performance at work and might fire her already, hopefully he does and it doesn't rage her out. This girl is hard to read. She is VERY assertive when around Tom but the few times her and I have come face to face she goes timid and tries to hide away from me (my parents used to go to the TCBY she managed until my mom noticed her staring at me and then running away and I had to explain to her the situation). Of course I did threaten her with a broken beer bottle once o.o
duh...should have gotten a restraining order when she was going up to his work place. if she truely loved him and isnt crazy she would respect his decisions in marrying you.
my husband has a crazy ex. frankly im glad she stopped calling and trying to friend me on facebook due to circumstances that seemed odd to me. such as the death of our son...she suddenly thinks its okay to call us up and friend us....like that doesnt seem odd to me...psh.
you need to do everything in both of your powers to get her to leave you be. a binding spell worked for me that is so basic you could use on anyone.
write their name birthday and reason why they are bugging you and stick it in some water and freeze it where no one will touch it.
since then she hasnt tried to call us or interfer with our relationship.
this chick...sounds crazier...get a restraining order asap.
SOUNDS like one VERY SERIOUIS ISSUE TO ME!! Truely! I would 100% get a restraining order on her,indeed......SHE hasnt let it go at all and people like this can and do take it to the next level as they see it as a way to ":get what they had back." I would not fuck around with thuis woman. DAVID had a lady that after 17 years,keeps turning up sending him only emails or calls,but she is in aother state ,far away,if she were here physically ,I would get legal help. They see themselves as being "cheated" out of their life and you caused it. I'm sorry this is happening for you guys......i see this as obsessive behavior to the extreme.
Good points,too ROSE......
restraining order would be first order of business. change social network stats so she cant locate you. be careful who you friend as this may be her finding a way into the inner circle. tell friends and family not to give out your personal information to anyone. remember diaper lady? drove across us in a diaper trying to remove competition. it can happen. make sure where you move that you have a good security system, and keep track of the neighbors cars. if a car shows up that isnt normally there and becomes there on a regular basis, keep an eye out. could be someone bought a new car, or not. this is very serious. let the police know in any event. also keep an eye out for anything out of the ordinary, things moved from their places, things missing.. any sign that she may have been either in the house or around it. when you get to new neighborhood, ask new neighbors to maintain your privacy. if she comes around she may ask people where you live. if you have a photo of her show them and tell them to let you know if theyve seen her there. this is a dangerous situation. take it very seriously. yes you may need to be paranoid.
Take proactive steps on your part to protect yourself. DO NOT expect that a restraining order will do anything for you. It is only a piece of paper and will do nothing to help you when the crazy shows up on the doorstep. The law will not act for you until there has been an 'incident' and then it will be too late. Taking steps to cover your trail will do a lot more. Taking some of the steps described by Silver Dove will do even more for you.
Also, and I say this because you need to think this way.. She is in "love" with him, she likely has convinced herself that she HATES you. You need that self defense training, and possibly a CCP for your own safety. I refer to the diaper lady story above.. her goal was to eliminate the competition. Don't let yourself be an easy target...
I AGREE with this also..........LEGALLY have your chickens in a row,but be smart too ,in protecting yourself,your family,your property. Nutcasses do nutty things......
She seems to be harassing him. He hasn't acted like he wants her around him. A normal person would get the picture and leave. If she comes all the way to your guys' new place and starts showing up where your husband is, you should file a complaint. Keep a written record of everywhere she shows up. That will be imperative if you guys press charges. Also, if she is stalking him/you on Facebook, print out all her activity on there. The police will need that too. For now, just keep ignoring her and pray she doesn't escalate to violence. I've had personal experience with this. If she does escalate, go to the police immediately. Don't wait for it to 'just go away'. It won't. Good luck.
This is a lot of drama for grown ups to be involved in.
Call the cops, or maybe tell her mom on her.