How to help a suicidal lover. Dont know what to do or where to turn. plz help.

I got a very sad very scary phone call from my boyfriend this morning and need some advice. He called me to appologize for our arguement last night. He also told me that even though he loves me I need to get far far away from him, I told him that that would make me horribly sad and he told me that if I stay with him that I will be even sadder. Then he told me that he has a chair and rope in his garage and almost used them last night and thinks about useing then often and he hates his life.

I know hes serious and could try because he has been to a mental hospital once before because someone decided to pay him a surprise visit at 3 am and found him hanging.. and he has commited him self before to a mental hospital for being depressed and having suicidal thoughts and this time he doesnt want to be helped.

I dont know what to do or how to help him. I am absolutally heart broken that the guy I love so much hates life so much and feels that hes not worth help or deserves anything good in life and hates who he is. He has told me so many times that he wants to hang himself usually it was when he was drunk and by morning hed be happy again, now its when hes sober and I feel that he realy might someday soon try to end his life again.

what are steps that i need to do to get him the help he needs when he has gotten help before and it didnt help?

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If someone wants to end their life, you will not be able to stop them. As an EMS provider and a firefighter, I have seen this tragically end a lot-take him seriously.

But he is talking about it still-that means there is still a chance to help but you may not have a lot of time either. Ask him to seek help. Reiterate your commitment to him and you will stay by his side as he seeks help. 1 800 273 TALK (National Suicide Prevention Hot line in the US). Very compassionate people.


Not an easy road, but you will be there for him-make sure he knows that. Sometimes, when a person who is suicidal, they find the strength to get help because they know someone is going to be there-it's their last and only lifeline at times. Also, if you are in the US, call the number for the suicide prevention line I posted, try to get him on the phone with them. Be honest with what is going on if he won't talk to them.


Your other resort is that you can call 911. They can make him go to the hospital for treatment. Which entails he is held for 72 hours. This doesn't work if he doesn't want to be there or the help. There has been cases in which within hours of being released, the person committed suicide. So, I caution you against this.


Talk to him, hear him, try to help him by letting him know there is help if he is willing to accept treatment.


Here is some links for you....
Thanks for the tip. I have told him to get help that I would be there for him but he doesnt want help at all I've urged him to get help numerous times he just tells me he doesnt deserve it because hes a horrible person..
Why does he think he is a horrible person? Point out the things that are wonderful about him, etc. Keep him talking and don't stop trying to encourage him getting help. Any chance that you can talk to his family/friends and see if they can get on board to support and help you?
I have told him all the wonderful things but apparently im wrong according to him. All he sees is his mistakes and failures. :( i could get his friends/ family on bord but he smashed the phone i got him cuz he doesnt want anyone to be able to get a hold of him..

The honest answer can't.  No one can.  The best you can do is BE there when he's ready to look outside of himself. 


When someone is suicidal (really suicidal rather then making a cry for help) all they can see and feel is their own pain.  Nothing outside of themselves registers.  Not friends, not loved ones, not how their behaviour impacts on those around them.


That said, it sounds like he's making a cry for help.  Call the police and get them to go knock on his door?

So true Vigdisdotter. 


Last time one of my friends contemplated suicide...I said 'put me in your will, leave me your house and go for it' He cussed me out and went right back to normal...
Every person has the right to pick when to kind...rewind

I am Bipolar and I have been in a suicidal state before.  I go back and forth from real happy to real sad.  I dont know why but whan I get into one of those states it feels like I am addicted to it.  There are many things that he can do and you can be supportive.  Love does not bring them out of it.  Listen to him and his rants.  support him the best you can.  We all do the best we can with what we got.  I have found that the first step is up to them.  also Just like addiction. 

I started keeping a journal of things I was greatfull for.  They were silly things at first, but I went through my day looking for the good things.  The change doesnt happen overnight and he may shoot down the idea all together.  I didnt take it seriously at first.

  Does he take his meds.  Does he go to a counsler.  Does he have those things.  But you cant make him do anything.  You can just suggest.  if you think he has a plan.  call the suicide hotline I dont know the number but they will walk you through what you can do.  He does need help.  I am very open about my condition and i know a lot about depression.  I am open to talking to either of you about what is possible on the other side.  I am stable and have been for 2 years.  I have my issues, but I have been there I know what it is like, I Know it is possible.


no thats part of the problem hes supose to be taking his meds where he lives ( we live and hr away from each other) theres a free clinic that you can go to if you dont have insurance he refuses to get his meds from there hes suppose to be going to counseling but refuses to do that to.
im bipolar and have been there many times. you cant help him if he doesnt want to help himself. you cant force him and he will only resent you for it. He has to find his own way. support him but dont smother him, that will only make it worse. its a slippery slope. show him you love him.

I agree with the others.  This is clearly a cry for help situation.


People who are serious about suicide usually don't make drama about their intentions - late night calls of "I almost did it" sort of thing - because they're afraid someone might stop them.  They just go about like everything's normal, put people at ease, and then do it.


Your BF needs and wants help.  If you can't get him to call, do it for him.  


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