Hello all! 

I'm terrible at these intro things, so I guess I'll start with my back story as to how I came about being interested in learning about paganism and it's different paths. 

 I was raised Christian, pretty much since birth. I had no choice in the matter. However, when I started growing into my teens, I began to heavily question it. I just didn't feel..."it." That spiritual pull, that connection to anything about it. The florescent lights, the windowless walls, the church seemed so disjointed from any deity. I lived in a house on 3 acres in the middle of nowhere, and I spent all my time outside. ALL of it. I would run under the moon with my coy-dog (may she rest) I would explore every inch of the woods surrounding our property. I would spend so much time outside my mom worried that someone took me haha. I even named all of the trees in the yard. Not because of a pagan thing, I didn't even know what pagan was. I just felt that they needed names. 
There is one time in particular I still remember today. I was outside, on a swingset my dad built for me. He built it big enough so no matter how old I got, I could still use it. I LOVED it. I would go out every day with my headphones, just swinging. One night stood out. It was a clear, warm summer night. The swing set was on the edge of the yard, facing the tree line. I was swinging, listening to Loreena Mckennit, watching the full moon above the trees as I swung high, almost floating in the air. That is when I had a feeling that came over me I can only describe as Euphoria. I still, to this day, cannot reproduce the absolute feeling of peace I got swinging through the silver moonlight, reaching for the trees. 
I decided to study this in high school. I rented books, practiced rituals. It all seemed right. Then my dad got sick, real sick. Cancer. Everything was destroyed. I immediatly thought God was punishing me. I tried to undo everything. Even my sexuality. Then he died, and I was ruined. I thought it was all my fault. I was so scared to go back to who I really was, both spiritually and sexually, and dove into a guilt-drivin depression for years. 
I did some soul searching, and after 10 years decided, it wasn't my fault. There wouldn't be a god that petty,and if there was, I didn't want to serve him. 
that leads me to now. I have stepped away from christianity, and am exploring other spiritual paths. They all keep calling me back to nature. But I don't know where to start. I am so lost! I keep coming across "eclectic pagan", and I'm really interested in it. I really feel a very, very strong pull to nature. 

I'm very excited in meeting you all and learning more about paganism and it's different paths. I'm always open to any teachings anyone has to offer me, and of course friendship :)

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My boyfriend is agnostic as well! He is also supportive but he at least doesn't tease me about it. He's also happy I am getting into herbs hahaha. He also says he's happy that I am thinking about my beliefs as opposed to do just believing what I am told to believe.

Weird how similar our situations are!

ha I know right? it's ok, he's a funny guy :) he was teasing me about having a familiar today, and we both decided it would be a cat with his head stuck in a tomato sauce jar lol 
and yeah! my boyfriend said the same thing! He also said paganism isn't as harmful as christianity to me. (I was doing a lot of things out of fear, instead of for better reasons.)

Yeah I can relate to that as well. Mine was completely accidental but I am glad it happened! :]

lol at the cat! poor kitty :[   =^.^=

This is exactly my situation as well! That's too funny.

While my boyfriend's agnostic, he is constantly telling me how glad he is that I found something to believe in that makes me happy - even if he doesn't necessarily believe in it himself.

I'm JUST starting to study herbs (and since my boyfriend has experience as a chef, he's pretty pleased haha).

guess it's a more common situation than I thought! lol

That is so awesome! I didn't realize our situation wasn't unique :p welcomed to the club!

As the others said, you wrote a really nice intro.  You seem to have a talent for writing.

I started researching everything, and then letting myself be drawn into areas I was interested in.  For me, it was tarot, dreams, and meditation, and I started out pretty eclectic.  I even did a little work with black swans, which are connected Australian Aborigines traditions.  Sometimes that seems pretty bizarre to me now, since I've become a Germanic Pagan working exclusively with the Norse gods!  I just followed what I was drawn to.

You seem to have a special connection to nature.  Why don't you look into gods (and goddesses) and spirits representing aspects of nature?

And welcome to Paganism.  It's a wonderful lifestyle filled with wonderful gods and experiences.

 - fellow former Christian

Wayaha, welcome.  Thank you for sharing your journey.

 

I'm eclectic.  I consider myself a pantheist heathen, but I'll incorporate whatever feels right.  I'm still pretty new, learning as I go, and enjoying the scenery along the way.

 

I was a Christian, too, for 40 years.  Raised in it, believed in it.  But became very disheartened by the hate and discrimination that they justified by their interpretation of god.  The more I looked, the more I realized that faith did not live up to the standards it so rigidly imposed on everyone else.  Once I started questioning what I had been taught, I realized that very little added up to a god or a universe that made any sense. 

 

I'm glad you found your way to follow your own path.  We're glad to have you here!  Feel free to drop me a note if you ever want to talk.

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