All Beliefs are Welcome Here!
In the middle of my friends pregnancy she and her fiancee had to leave their apartment because their roommate was a violent alcoholic that they couldn't evict and the second home they went to kicked them out because the land lord figured out they were living there rent free with their friends (and then tension of living together was causing issues). She was due in two months so we said, hey, come live with us. We own our house no bid deal. We had been helped out before so we wanted to pay forward.
She couldn't work and he couldn't get more than forty hours so we let them move in without paying us a cent in rent or bills so they could save money to move down state. She had the baby, named us the god parents, and helped out around the house with cleaning and such. Me and the fiancee worked at the same place so he always drove me to work and took me where ever I needed and never asked for gas. All was fine and dandy until a member of her family died and they inherited a HUGE amount of money. They paid all our bills for one month, bought us gifts, and always took us out to eat, and we were SO grateful because I had quit my job around that time and so our income was cut in half.
But instead of using the money to move they bought thousands of dollars in electronics and stuff and are still here five months later. We love our friends but I am now pregnant and one of them smokes a lot of marijuana. It wasn't an issue when I wasn't pregnant, but now I can't ask them to go in the bedroom because the baby is sleeping in there but I can't sit in the smoke so I have to sit in my room. Worse is they have a friend who now comes over everyday and smokes with them. We like the friend, he is a cool guy, but this is a little too much.
We are afraid to say something because they can become easily insulted and they have helped us greatly but this was so they could get on their feet. We love them, they are family to us, but how do we go about politely asking them to move? We figure they can stay over the winter, it gives them time to look at houses, but I am due in the summer and the house just wont fit this many people. All our other friends just keep telling us to kick them out but we could NEVER do that to them!
We love our friends, but they need to move on. Any advice on how to address this with them without insulting them?
The friendship isn't over in the slightest, hell if it was we would just kick them out no issues, though they would be more likely to just leave lol. My husband is the one who is far more angry about this than me, but I do worry that come later in my pregnancy people will still be around. My real issue is that they have not been spending their money wisely and I worry they will spend a lot of it before they move out on silly stuff, but I don;t think the finacee will do that,he seems upset she spends it so willy nilly. I ask them about houses but he says there isn't much out there and I think they are still unsure of where they want to move. She wants the city, he wants to stay around here as far as I can tell. We just want them to make up their minds and work on getting themselves back to independence.
You could sprinkle some "hot foot powder" in their shoes, or wash the walls and floor of their room using hot foot floor wash. I've always wondered if this stuff really works: Hot Foot Powder
you could try this.... lol
Or you could let them know that you are moving and ask if they want to buy your house?
Use your pregnancy as an excuse. You don't want to hurt your baby, anymore than they wanted to hurt theirs. Tell them that it's time to find their own place: and let them know that you're willing to help them do it. If they get mad about that, then they aren't really your friends, so you can feel free to do whatever you want with them. Real friends will understand.
Sit down and tell them they need to move out because you're pregnant and don't want smoke around the baby.
I've never known a pothead to willingly give up weed for anyone other than themselves, so that should be enough to get them to move.
If they get huffy about it, think. Do you want as friends people who would begrudge you wanting your unborn to be around healthy fresh air?
^This. What matters more, some people getting their feelings hurt or the health of your baby? It's not just about you now. You have to think for two.
I've been in situations where I've had to ask people to find somewhere else to live. Most, I'm still good friends with, some I'm not. I'm sure that simply stating, "Hey, we've been happy to help you & appreciate what you've been able to contribute. However, I have a baby on the way & we don't have the room. It is better that we discuss this now & start making arrangements now, as opposed to when I enter what's known as the "nesting" stage."
If they're good friends, you should be able to have a cordial, respectful & honest conversation about this. I don't think it would be rude to request that all smoking be done outside either. Your house, your rules and all that.