Have you ever found yourself reflecting back on your life?

If so, would you change anything- & if so what ?

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I look back....with much regret.

My kids and I have paid dearly for the "sins" of my past. Basically those sins include: trusting the wrong people, looking for love in all the wrong places(marrying when I should not have done so), and burning bridges that I can no longer repair with some of my family and even a dear friend of mine. Karma has been cruel to me, and despite apologies and hope for forgiveness and doing my best to help others, things don't seem to be looking up anytime soon. *shrugs*

I find myself lately longing for simpler times, back in the town where I was born and raised. Closer to family and true friends.  I miss barbecues, and the local beach and the family oriented close knit bond of the town I knew and loved. There were festivals, and local venues where everyone would meet. Like that show cheers...everybody knew your name.

I know I'm being punished. Rightfully so I suppose, despite the fact none of the wrong I've done was anything illegal, just a selfish 20 something looking to find herself and now 20 years later regretting just about every choice I ever made. Only good thing to come of my "sins"....my children....I will never regret them.

Sometimes I look back in horror but hey, I survived. Changing anything is difficult to say the least. Would I have married the evil ex-wife and not had a child with her? Would we have had our adopted daughter? Would I have had my daughter with her knowing that we were only going to have her for 18 years. My biological daughter was a wonderful person and I miss her so much. Would it ease my pain to never have had her at all? These are the important questions.

I reflect upon my past, only so I may learn from it. I'm happy with my  life, so, no, I wouldn't want to chance loosing what I have now by changing the past.

All the time.

Mostly when I'm trying to sleep.

I would change a lot.  

I'd have studied harder, exercised more, and been more open minded when I was younger.  But that's the past.

Oh yes there are things when I look back that I would change, but saying that I am here and now is not too bad.  

Its actually pretty good.  I think most of us have regrets but sure we had to make choices and the ones I regret the most are the ones that hurt other people.  I never wanted to do that.

Although I have made my way in the world.. the primary thing I would have like to change is to meet or even view my biological parents... it's a sad thing to go through life without ever seeing the face of your mother...

Is there no way you can check through the records?  I think here and in the UK people can go to the local authorities and the adoption agencies and ask for details which can be given if the mother agrees.  

I come from a pretty horrific background of abuse...but given the chance, I don't think I'd change it. I have grown and learned so much from the intentions of others, and to be able to carve my own spiritual path and my own sanity.

If anything, I would chose something that slowed down my path, like a bad therapist, or a spiritual leader who strayed me from my path.


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