During a conversation with my sister today I stated that I don't love my mother, my sister was flabbergasted and told my that what I was saying was terrible and impossible because love between family is unconditional, I stated the many valid reasons that I have for not loving my mother(I won't bore you with my dramatic family sob story), my sister then asked me how I could love my father and not my mother and I said that I think that love is a choice there are some genetic factors at play imprinted into humans to keep them abandoning their young and what not but ultimately people choose who they love and unconditional love is a myth.


My sister totally disagreed with me and I was a little surprised be honest, I thought that if people strip away all of the sentimentality and looked at things objectively that they would agree with me but after when I called my friend and discussed this with him he agreed with my sister that I was being cynical so I guess i'm interested in putting this out for discussion is it possible to love someone unconditionally?

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It's a myth. Everyone loves conditionally. And they should love conditionally. Otherwise, it's unhealthy psychologically and leaves one open for all sorts of abuse.
I agree totally!

Over time, the person that we love may do things to make us feel otherwise, but that one point in time where we did love them is still etched in our brains.   Within this framework, the word unconditional becomes redundant; inside our brains love is eternal.


There are no feelings of love for me to acknowledge, if there ever where any of those feelings for instance in infancy stored in my brain I don't remember them.

I think there are many misunderstandings with regards to 'unconditional love'.  I do think that it is healthy on some level for one to have this for themselves (the subject has come up with all the reading I have done with regards to the Shadow Self).


One of my online friends made a statement where we were discussing this sort of subject - and her take on 'unconditional love' was interesting.  She stated that she felt it was a healthy balance between 'light and dark' energies. Below is what I could relate to that she put:


"I do understand the cringing feelings that often arise when 'unconditional love' is brought into a discussion. The words have too often been used to promote ideas and actions that cannot truly be identified as functions of unconditional love. Too often, and I'm not sure why this is so, people equate unconditional love with self-loathing and denial of the 'ego'. The concept of 'turning the other cheek' is an excellent example: Unconditional love, in my understanding, must be balanced. I can't separate my self out and see my self as less valuable than someone else and still unconditionally love me. If I honor the divine in all, how can I deny it in my self? So if someone is hurting me, my response must be in keeping with an acknowledgement of the value of both individuals. There is no love in enabling someone to cause harm -- or in allowing harm to come to oneself. The response, then, is dictated by the situation, the goal, at least in part, to prevent further harm. How that's expressed certainly won't involve standing there and accepting another slap (either literally or figuratively)."


I think within the New Age Community in particular, that the meaning of unconditional love has become distorted and has turned into meaning loving someone even if they abuse you (this, I feel, really has its roots in the 'uber-passivity'/'uber-feminine-goddess' focus where it concerns them.


For me, it is kind of hard to explain but it means letting that person go, even if they are destroying themselves.  They have their own path to take.  I don't want people to misinterpret this as not trying to help, but sometimes one will find themselves in the role of what some folks call an 'enabler'.  With some people, you just have to 'let them go'.


I also feel there are different 'levels' to 'unconditional love' - but that is kind of hard for me to explain (I am not the most eloquent person and often have a hard time putting into words that which I feel).

It's just a connection that I personally have noticed. I never said it was 'universal' or anything - but this sort of discussion I have seen many times on various spiritual boards and have noticed how the beliefs influence their thoughts (and feelings). I merely was trying to fully understand these connections better - even if on a subconscious level.
I think it is..My children,,I love them unconditionally..There is always going to be that bond..They grew inside me for 9 months..
Do you think that bond could be chalked up to genetics Toady, is there anything that they could do that would lesson their love for you?

Genetics,,no..They are my creation..I would love them unconditionally..


There are choices that they make I don't like yes..I think it's easy to separate..My hubby chooses to drink almost everyday..I don't like the person he becomes when he drinks..But the person he is when he's sobre I love..He knows this..He knows when he's drunk he might just a well go to bed..Nothing I hate worse then a slobbering drunk all over me..

I've told my (older) children that yes there are things they could do to staunch my love for them: mass murder & child molestation
I'm with you on the child molester thing, that and rape are non negotiable, when it comes murder it's a little different, I do believe that there is such a thing as justifiable homicide and exceptions for soldiers but not to an extreme where like nazi or khmer rouge activity gets a pass .
murder - that's why I put it as Mass Murder - I'm thinking Jeffery Dahlmer here.....


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