When someone says "Have you found Jesus?" what do you say?

I'm not terribly outspoken when dealing with strangers or casual acquaintances. For all that I'm pretty self contained around my intimates.

When I think about it I may be more sharing with people here than in any other venue I dwell in.

Wow, that's probably not the way it should be. If I think about it for a second on some level.....but I don't have time for that right now so:

I keep running into well meaning people who ask me if i've found Jesus. They get so twisted mad when i laugh it off with,

"I didn't know he was hiding from me." or "I think he may be that Mexican chap that's the Maitre De at Scorpio's."

All things being equal isn't it the responsibility of the believer to find their own god? Why do i have to do it for them when i don't even believe in this stuff?

It's not like I have people coming up to me at the KFC and asking me to go look for Thor with them, or see if Cthulhu is a sneaking behind the bushes at the 7/11.

No one ever asked me where Ganesh was lately or if I'd seen Lugh peeking out from the drain spout.

What the heck do you say so people don't get all bent over the "Where's JC today!?!" thing?

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The believer is not attempting to locate their deity, they are attempting to direct you to it for capture! That is correct, their god is HUNGRY FOR SOULS. It wants them no matter what ethnicity, what age, and what sect. The bits about the 'elect' and 144,000 or whatever, are just to get you trying to earn it - that's right, a motivational deception (make the cut! be the soul-meal that you can be!).

Your belief is of no consequence. It isn't ultimately important whether you believe any of this crap. People say that they do to keep the nagging nitpickers off of them as treasonous possible traitors about to convert to the next soul-mongerer. Say you believe, say you don't believe. It doesn't matter as long as you do the rituals, drink the blood, and eat the flesh of the god, so as to prepare you later for when it eats you.

In response to those who may ask me about "Where's Jesus" (compare "Where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?" or "Where's Waldo?", I am content to explain (with the air of a sermon or a salesman at points):

"The storybook legends and myths of the various Jesus characters have come down to us in a swathe of glorious diversity. There's He-man Jesus, Suicide-Jesus, Soccer-playing-Jesus, Jesus-with-Breasts, Jesus from Asia, Germany, and Jesus-the-Esquimeaux. There should be Jesus as a dog, a cat, rabbit, and as a wolf. Jesus should be made of light, clouds, toast, and spaghetti. Friend, Jesus is everywhere! From the rings of Saturn to the bit of schmutz under your little left toenail. Go forth and find him, and when you do, give him a big hug for me!"

Troll Towelhead, Grand Mufti of Satanism

"Yeah he was passed out behind my couch. I threw him in the pantry for the (insert closest holiday here) party coming up. I am low on cash, so I could use that wine trick. Why? Do you need him back?"


damn I was so gonna say he was behind the couch the whole time...lol

No one has ever asked me if I found Jesus. 

have u found jesus?

Yeah, he saw me and ran the other way!

I just usually politely tell them that I do not follow their faith. I hardly ever get hounded by the christians and what have you because I wear a pentacle around my neck and on my finger. I think they avoid me because they think I worship the devil or something. lol.

I've yet to encounter anyone who would ask me this. 

I suppose I could say:

"I didn't know I was supposed to be looking for him" or "You silly Christians, always losing your Jesus"

I like the second one.  Makes me giggle.

love the you silly christians part lol

thats the best part lol.


(I haven't read all the replies, so i apologize if this is a duplicate from what someone else already posted) --


One of the best replies i've ever heard to this is,


             "What, have you guys lost him AGAIN???"


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