Libramoon's Blog – April 2017 Archive (30)

Manifesting Destiny #26

Moon in Gemini

"It's not that I don't want to be self-disclosing. I just think no one wants to see me disclosed." Celia told me. The last time I was living with her, after the whole adolescent rebellion thing that kept our conversations minimal, after my whole wrecking my life thing, yet again, stalwart Mama stepping in to take me home and care for me. After I got sufficiently bored with my self-pity, we had some good, deep conversation, now and then. I tried to let her know that what…

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Added by libramoon on April 30, 2017 at 4:01pm — No Comments

Manifesting Destiny #25

Moon in Aries

I know I'm letting it get to me, but it hurts. In my gut, in my heart, in my mind I really do feel the pain of all the ugliness. People behaving viciously; there's no need. There's no reasonable reason. Yet it happens everyday, all the time, in all manner of horrid manifestations. People beat their small, defenseless children. People plot against supposed friends, stab them figuratively, sometimes literally, in vital places. People use the love others feel for them as…

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Added by libramoon on April 29, 2017 at 4:01pm — No Comments

Manifesting Destiny #24

Moon in Aquarius

I can hear Patty Smith in her intro to "Gloria" emphasizing "Jesus died for somebody's sins, but not mine."

People talk about the troops -- and where did that designation come from, simplifying human lives into uniform units -- fighting, sacrificing, dying for my freedom. I am so very sorry for all this horrendously stupid suffering. I never wanted it. I never condoned it. My freedoms get stomped on all the time with or without anybody's sacrifice. It's up to…

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Added by libramoon on April 28, 2017 at 2:29pm — No Comments

Manifesting Destiny #23

Moon in Sagittarius

We are the stuff that dreams are made of. Every little fleeting thought, sensory input, synaptic connection is raw material for literal dreaming and the surreal expressionism of art (writ large or small). Something is impinging on my sense of equilibrium. I'm not sure what. Perhaps it will work its way into my dreams, or my art, unconsciously; perhaps that is its purpose. Maybe it's just the rain and celestial fireworks making me edgy. Maybe it's the impending…

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Added by libramoon on April 27, 2017 at 3:06pm — No Comments

Manifesting Destiny #22

Moon in Libra

All this talk about "the economy" as if there's a war between capitalist free market and governmental programs, or as if any policy could be one size fits all. People get so caught up in ideologies and competition, putting down viciously any idea defensively seen as contrary to our preset mindset. Well, obviously, not everyone, but enough to be an enormous unnecessary obstacle to real world optimization.

What makes more sense to me is a kind of two-tier economy.…

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Added by libramoon on April 26, 2017 at 6:34pm — No Comments

Manifesting Destiny #21

Moon in Cancer

Those narrow-minded pro-capital idiots. This must be why I rarely watch tv. Then I think I ought to be more aware of the wider political world, to inform my writing and probably my somewhat political opinions. So I have to be made aware yet again of the incredible stupidity that calls itself practicality. I mean, Mr. Smarty-Pants Business Man, you are not the Crown of Creation. Profit is not the be all/end all measure of worth. Some of us only minimally deal, out of…

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Added by libramoon on April 25, 2017 at 6:46pm — No Comments

Manifesting Destiny #20

Moon in Taurus

It's about the grounding, the safe and sacred place to release the charge. Feeling inadequate, out of focus. Yeah, the deadlines get tiring, their continual obligation, too tiring and I send in work not up to the standard I expect. No, no one is calling me on it. We all seem to have entered some summer space of lazy disregard or hyper-giddiness. Lots of our community energy is dissipated on far-flung festivals, self-finding excursions. We who are left behind far from…

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Added by libramoon on April 24, 2017 at 5:56pm — No Comments

Manifesting Destiny #19

Moon in Capricorn

We stopped at some generic fast food place to get some take-out grease on our way to an afternoon concert in the park. The staff seemed pretty spiffy, alert, working as a well-oiled team, with cute smiles and calm speaking style to deal with the milling clientele. Hobbled old folks, snarling young folks, brawling children, drawn-eyed parents, an imbroglio like some surrealist comedy. Spending so much of my time safely ensconced in my little fringe community, I forget…

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Added by libramoon on April 23, 2017 at 3:58pm — No Comments

Manifesting Destiny #18

Moon in Virgo

My refuge, my sanctuary.

When Daddy Danny left us, Celia was inconsolable and resolute, the way she can be. In some ways she clung to me as all she had left of love and family. Still, she had, what I now realize, an acute awareness that I had my own issues of abandonment, anger, mixed with fear and loss. She wanted me to have my own space to work it out in, not entangled with her grief.

My mother is at heart a woman of the written word. Her safe haven and…

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Added by libramoon on April 22, 2017 at 2:42pm — No Comments

Manifesting Destiny #17

Moon in Taurus

These preachy Christians give me a pain. All this warning about the homosexual scourge, I guess a subset of the general sexual scourge plaguing mankind. You'd think we somehow invented biology in defiance of the Lord.

Yeah, Lord, the metaphor that says we are a race of serfs, making our living at the pleasure of the owner of the land. So it's okay if you are a sorry excuse for a friend or lover or whatever so long as you make the right sacrifices to the protector…

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Added by libramoon on April 21, 2017 at 3:49pm — No Comments

Manifesting Destiny #16

Moon in Aquarius

Summer Solstice. The Sun reaching its peak performance. We certainly gave a peak performance at the Goddess Center tonight. Despite all the nervous energy attacking our community lately, or maybe because of it, finally finding an outlet to feel good in release. I, of course, was brilliant, dazzling in my presentation, recitation, expressive movement to elegant improvisational music, as well as my bit parts in ritual incantations. It was a living dream, despite or…

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Added by libramoon on April 20, 2017 at 6:06pm — No Comments

Manifesting Destiny #15

Moon in Scorpio

It's like I'm consolidating. I feel myself moving into a deeper version of me. I'm drawn to examine where I've come from, who I've been, roles I've tried out, tried on for fit -- consolidating data to make the leap into a more fully informed identity.

I have this body I inherited not from one person or another, but an amalgamation of DNA. Thick, long, abundant red-gold hair that I sensuously enjoy flinging against my skin, a gift from my father and, as Marie…

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Added by libramoon on April 19, 2017 at 2:57pm — No Comments

Manifesting Destiny #14

Moon in Libra

I was an adored child. The grown-ups in my life may have been totally screwed up, but they always loved me unconditionally. Somewhere I always knew that. I mean, I was a total pariah in my neighborhood, but the people who counted knew I was amazing. Imagine my guilt when I kept screwing up, big time. Yes, out of my large-scale self-expressive hubris, I, an inexperienced young woman with big chips on my shoulders, managed to keep showing myself to be a fool. Probably no…

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Added by libramoon on April 18, 2017 at 4:46pm — No Comments

Manifesting Destiny #13

Moon in Gemini

I've been thinking about that theory of human life being some kind of ultimate point of the Universe. Divine Design, I guess. God’s will with the "scientific" twist about all these highly improbable coincidences that had to be just right or life wouldn't have made it. But then, self-evidently, we are here, as well as a plethora of other things and beings. I mean, there's no logical reason for it to have been other than accidental, the vagaries of eternity and random…

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Added by libramoon on April 17, 2017 at 2:10pm — No Comments

Manifesting Destiny #12

Moon in Aquarius

With Celia it was mostly "Persephone" with the occasional "Seph" when truly informal. Danny and Marie tended to go with "Peri" softly sweet. I was 5 when he left. Marie carried forward the tradition. I was 12 when she left, more permanently. He still called me Peri when we talked by phone, on his very occasional letters, when he came back for that short time to bury his sister, though I was less innocently sweet by then. I was turning bitter. Why not? My world seemed…

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Added by libramoon on April 16, 2017 at 3:59pm — No Comments

Manifesting Destiny #11

Moon in Libra

I may not have a lot, talking about material things, and more concretely, the symbol behind all that stuff, money, and the fantasy of all that stuff money can be exchanged for. When I say I don't have a lot, that is only in comparison to some American dream, or even many people I know and interact with. But, I could as easily compare my store of possessions to the truly poor, and see myself quite wealthy. That's the point. I am. Quite wealthy on my own terms -- with…

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Added by libramoon on April 15, 2017 at 2:43pm — No Comments

Manifesting Destiny #10

Moon in Leo

Marie and Danny were sibling outcasts, she would explain, not complaining, more like bragging. Colonel Robert Aidan "Sir," their soldier dad would taunt them as "Louella's girls." He was probably surprised that Danny didn't end up gay. He never paid enough attention to realize that Marie was. "I don't think he knew that girls could be other than Mothers or Whores, dutiful wives or dependent daughters, defined by the men who commanded them." She would say it with a look of…

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Added by libramoon on April 14, 2017 at 3:07pm — No Comments

Manifesting Destiny #9

Moon in Taurus

I'm not my mother's daughter, nor my father's for that matter. Growing up I was closest to my free-spirit Aunt Marie, who encouraged my wild ways and love of fantasy. Her dying, when I was 12, ended my idyllic childhood. Celia and I were thrust upon each other without a buffer, while grieving over losing Danny all over again.

He popped in for his sister's funeral, leaving wife and kids in California. New kid #2 had just popped out, and Gwen was in no position or…

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Added by libramoon on April 13, 2017 at 4:11pm — No Comments

Manifesting Destiny #8

Moon in Aquarius

I'm not one of those neurotic women who turn off on sex because of bad relationships. I don't blame the sex, but the situations, stupid expectations, as if mere humans could become fairytale princes or any more than just what they are. Casual sex is cool, as long as everyone knows what they are agreeing to. I never got that thing about lying to get her into bed. I mean, don't you expect there to be a morning after, and all the time after that, to deal with…

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Added by libramoon on April 12, 2017 at 3:33pm — No Comments

Manifesting Destiny #7

Moon in Scorpio

Tom's off on schmooze business. We are enjoying each other, not enmeshed. I have my own business and pursuits to attend to. Later. Now I can ensconce myself in my private little space, cozied up in my pillows and bedclothes -- I always like that image. I've been scifi fantasizing on this race, I guess it would be, of bio-engineered empaths, weapons of a future war, released to assimilate with the common (wo)man. Of course, assimilation doesn't go all that well. I mean,…

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Added by libramoon on April 11, 2017 at 3:48pm — No Comments

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