Libramoon's Blog – May 2017 Archive (29)

Manifesting Destiny #54

Moon in Aries

I put on high energy rock music and danced to exhaustion just to get it out of me. I suspect I am genetically predisposed to depression which I unconsciously treat with activity. My paternal grandma has been described to me as crazy, clinically out of it though kept safe at home without chemical or institutional incarceration. My dad is clearly alcoholic My mom sublimates her sadness with activity.

Depression is rampant these days, not only to sell…

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Added by libramoon on May 28, 2017 at 3:29pm — No Comments

Manifesting Destiny #53

Moon in Pisces

I've been sleeping so much more than usual, actively wanting to sleep. It's not physical tiredness, but a strong desire to dream. I get such beautiful vivid imagery in my dreams. Deeply personally meaningful jumbled vignettes of scenes, feelings, incredible camera shots no camera could capture because the images are all imagination, keep calling me back to play. Far from restful, these dreams give me intense work-outs. I am more then compensated for any lack of exercise…

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Added by libramoon on May 27, 2017 at 2:56pm — No Comments

Manifesting Destiny #52

Moon in Capricorn

Danny often told me, during our infrequent conversations usually initiated by his drunken phone calls from whatever bar or party on his end, how much he still and always loves my mother. Like he is for her, Celia is Danny's one true soulmate. He explains plaintively, perhaps hoping for my absolution, he was no good for her. He excuses his weakness by embracing it. He was not cut out to be responsible, to settle down, to fit into an ordinary life as she seemed to need…

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Added by libramoon on May 26, 2017 at 3:02pm — No Comments

Manifesting Destiny #51

Moon in Sagittarius

Celia takes folks as we are. It wouldn't make any sense to her to try to change us. We are going to be who we are. Ultimately practical, she works with what is.

Marie was more of an idealist, highly critical if you were below her standards. She treated me like a princess, as did Danny. Celia treated me, treats me, like another human being, one she deeply loves and is aware of as independently aware.

She knows how to pass, naturally falling into…

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Added by libramoon on May 25, 2017 at 6:23pm — No Comments

Manifesting Destiny #50

Moon in Scorpio

October snow on Tom's birthday away from me. How romantically poetic! Celia, Pandora and I, warm and cozy, drink luscious cocoa (well, not Pandora) and watch the early winter surprise. It's like a reprise of those special snow days when Celia's office and my school both closed, though the snow is nowhere near such conditions. In those days it was an unexpected holiday. What do they do for that special time in places where it doesn't snow? Monsoon or tornado days don't…

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Added by libramoon on May 24, 2017 at 5:04pm — No Comments

Manifesting Destiny #49

Moon in Libra

Rain, wind, I almost expect to see spectral faces briefly glaring against the windowpane. It is an intense season. More violins than percussion in the mix as I hear it tonight. The weeping oboe more than the screeching saxophone, strains of late night heavy blues on keyboard, and of course that bass fiddle, that deeply booming bass. Scorpio is a season I can feel gripping tingling through my guts. I think Nietzsche was a Scorpio -- all about that inheld power so intense…

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Added by libramoon on May 23, 2017 at 2:35pm — No Comments

Manifesting Destiny #49

Moon in Libra

Rain, wind, I almost expect to see spectral faces briefly glaring against the windowpane. It is an intense season. More violins than percussion in the mix as I hear it tonight. The weeping oboe more than the screeching saxophone, strains of late night heavy blues on keyboard, and of course that bass fiddle, that deeply booming bass. Scorpio is a season I can feel gripping tingling through my guts. I think Nietzsche was a Scorpio -- all about that inheld power so intense…

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Added by libramoon on May 23, 2017 at 2:35pm — No Comments

Manifesting Destiny #48

Moon in Virgo

The chill in the air has become pronounced. I dig out and launder sweaters, long underwear for Celia's and my daily walks in the park. Gold and red leaves, colors becoming muddied on the trees, ever more of them drift along the ground. Early morning walks are met by frost and lingering darkness. Darkness encroaches earlier on the day. Spooky sparsely leaved trees make an imprint against the faded light, chill and blowing a mournful tune.

We are building a collage…

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Added by libramoon on May 22, 2017 at 3:20pm — No Comments

Manifesting Destiny #47

Moon in Leo

My Samhain pieces are emailed out and I realize I won't be home for the holy day. Then I realize I am home. This is my home for now. It's not like there is another place on this planet that is mine, where I live now. Places and people I think of as mine, feel as home, are living out other lives, apart from mine, except for Celia, and Pandora so real and now nuzzling at my hand.

Celia sees Danny that way, as an archetypal figure representing a home solid only in her…

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Added by libramoon on May 21, 2017 at 2:29pm — No Comments

Manifesting Destiny #46

Moon in Gemini

I admit I am a big picture kind of gal. I lose the trees in that magnificent forest. I say, let the Devil have the details; I want to revel in the grand plan.

Celia likes order. I enjoy the thrill of chaos. Though I do understand the need for some kind of order, framing, limitations, to be able to make sense of the picture at all. I do go back over the history to make salient connections, divine the pattern. In my analyses, I also understand the need to allow…

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Added by libramoon on May 20, 2017 at 3:28pm — No Comments

Manifesting Destiny #45

Moon in Aries

Celia made clear that she wanted us to exchange, be open to expressing, all the mixed and hidden feelings, everything that we had to be said, to be worked out or given voice. I remember, with chagrin, how easy it was for me to make such awful denigrating snotty remarks, such an angry child. Of course, well, no, not of course, she deserves real credit for her understanding. She did know when I did not that it was not really about my feelings for her. I was pretty snotty…

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Added by libramoon on May 19, 2017 at 3:55pm — No Comments

Manifesting Destiny #44

Moon in Pisces

We develop over our life's time, no matter how long or short, knowledge of how to be ourselves within our circumstances. What happens to those hard won insights when we have died? Even if we were artists, leaving behind the corpus of self-expression, what happens to all that experience carved into our bodies and minds? Does it all dissolve, as if it never happened? Is there some depository of psychic awareness, a pool of accumulated wisdom, where the initiated go for…

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Added by libramoon on May 18, 2017 at 5:17pm — No Comments

Manifesting Destiny #43

Moon in Pisces

I took a long walk tonight while Celia snoozed, curled up with Pandora on the couch, woman below, cat above the warm earth-toned afghan. They looked relaxed, peaceful, while I was feeling anything but. The night was comforting, foggy, brisk but far from cold. I felt secure in my old trenchcoat. Celia, sentimentally, packed up what I had left behind when she moved. Now I have my ancient wardrobe to pick out those special garments imbued with emotional attachment, or…

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Added by libramoon on May 17, 2017 at 4:24pm — No Comments

Manifesting Destiny #42

Moon in Aquarius

Goddess, my higher self, that intuition place where all the electricity of my brain comes together inspiring, making sense, that's what we have. People leave. No matter how tight the bond, no matter that they encourage me to depend on them, make promises outright and implied, they leave even if against their choice or desire. Celia was always my one constant, though I may have ignored her in favor of any shinier object, ignored my need for her as a solid background to…

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Added by libramoon on May 16, 2017 at 3:51pm — No Comments

Manifesting Destiny #41

Moon in Capricorn

I know about that whole being in tune with the moment, resonating with the immediate confluence of energies. There are times when I am there. Briefly, of course. If that is the essence of our reality, where we belong, why isn't it the way we just naturally are? Why is that nirvana place so hard to maintain? Is it that we are denying our true natures, living in a manufactured environment out of touch, out of balance with nature? Aren't we natural beings no matter…

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Added by libramoon on May 15, 2017 at 3:30pm — No Comments

Manifesting Destiny #40

Moon in Capricorn

A child who was never meant to be. Ten years ago today my son was born and died. Many years before it was around this time that my father left and changed my life. Yet still I love October. It is not the season's fault that people leave. People leave, one way or another, all the time, in all the seasons of life. People die. That's the greatest leaving, most permanent and profound. People go off to live out other lives. Sometimes they even stay right there, but lose…

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Added by libramoon on May 14, 2017 at 3:37pm — No Comments

Manifesting Destiny #39

Moon in Sagittarius

Uncharacteristically, I don't want to talk to strangers. There's too much background to fill in for even the simple pleasantries. Besides, I feel some kind of sacred loyalty or bonding that I need to immerse in, exclusively psychically relating to Celia and our little space-time bubble. We are unplugged from most of the constant media onslaught. What does impinge, we pretty much ignore as if that world is from another place and time. I exchange emails with Tom and…

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Added by libramoon on May 13, 2017 at 4:21pm — No Comments

Manifesting Destiny #38

Moon in Scorpio

Taking advantage of the sunshine, we took a drive out to the country by Marie’s farm. After Helen sold it, went off to Europe and another life with Marie’s ashes and assets, it was turned into a private primary school. The kids get to grow gardens and other hands-on learning projects — very progressive. I probably would have liked school if I could have gone there. Who knows what might have become of me? Then, as now, we were not allowed on the grounds. We stopped and…

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Added by libramoon on May 12, 2017 at 5:20pm — No Comments

Manifesting Destiny #37

Moon in Libra

She takes notes when she reads, takes reading seriously, as if still in school. She writes classical poetry, endlessly edited. She likes 60s/70s era classic rock and jazz, sings bits of songs as they wander through her head. When I was little she would dance me around the room, picking me up, twirling me about, losing our separateness in the music. Today we can dance around the room together as equals, to the old tunes evoking memories. She likes to dress comfortably in…

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Added by libramoon on May 11, 2017 at 4:28pm — No Comments

Manifesting Destiny #36

Moon in Virgo

I asked Celia if she were afraid of dying. She replied that she was afraid of pain, that she supposed at the actual moment she would be afraid, but the thing is to get through it as quickly and easily as possible. She told me she had arranged for hospice care at the end, when she could no longer function. She showed me the phone number on her rolodex. That's Celia, always managing the details so no one need worry or be inconvenienced.

It must have been tough for…

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Added by libramoon on May 10, 2017 at 5:00pm — No Comments

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