I did it. I may have sucked for all I know, but I did it.

Current mood: accomplished
Category: Goals, Plans, Hopes

So I did it. I watched others sing for awhile. One or two fair, one REALLY good singer and a bunch of horrid ones. I was talking with another girl who had auditioned for American Idol and done some minor musical theater stuff and she was hesitant as well.

My biggest fear was that I was going to fuck up the note where this lyric is:
"...and the rockets’ red glare, the bombs bursting in air..." etc. If you fuck that part up, you can REALLY fuck it up. I wouldn’t say I nailed it, but I pulled it out and wasn’t shaking too badly.

I hadn’t sang in front of this many people in a very very VERY long time. I got applause and there was some enthusiastic note-taking going on with the judges and I thought I saw a couple of little nods.

It’ll be what it’s going to be. But I’m just glad I borrowed the balls to do it. This is the year of me putting an end to second-guessing myself and questioning my talents and not going for what I want because I’m afraid I won’t be perfect. Perfection is WAY over-rated and totally subjective.

Anyway, it was fun. The girl I was speaking with wound up getting the nerve to do it and a couple of her friends came along to support her and she sang "God Bless America". I hope if I am chosen, they don’t ask me to sing that. lol I may have to change it to GODS plural and get hauled forcibly off the field. my luck if they do choose me for one of the 45 slots is that they’ll pick dates I’m away and there are enough of those this spring and summer.

Now I just wait and try to forget. Why do I never think I’m good enough? Granted I’m not the best that performed today but Loki insists I was right up there and quite good. And he was the one who found the info on the auditions. He said if he really thought I sucked, he just wouldn’t have told me about it at all. But he has to like me, we’re related and all now. lol

blah blah blah me me me. I’m tired of talking about me. I’m boring. Let’s talk about all of YOU.

Views: 22

Comment by Alixendriss on June 8, 2009 at 1:23pm
I'm a total fan of all things unknown.. I just have to jump out of the plane a little higher each time. Maybe I'm an adrenaline junkie lol. Always go for it! Whatever it is take the chance and never worry about what other people think, you're doing what you do for yourself. As far as anyone else goes 'fuck 'em if they can't take a joke' so-to-speak. lol

It's awesome that you did what you did, congrats!! Feel great about yourself.. you go girl!!!
Comment by Autumnquest on June 8, 2009 at 1:27pm
Thanks Alixendriss! It felt good and I keep reaching for the stars and am reading a book my love gave me called "Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway" which is really helping me do that and leave my fears and insecurities behind.

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