I'm sorry to have yet ANOTHER rant... but seriously I need to get this off my chest. I'm a a 23 year old mother and my better half is in the army. I was just talking to my sister who also is an army wife and she told me that her husband, my brother in law, is deploying again. This breaks my heart since they too have a child the same age as my daughter. In the same breath she says that she's HAPPY he's leaving so she can see her boyfriend again. This just makes me so mad I can't say another word to her. I hang up on my sister and sit here thinking.... well the more I think the more upset I get... How can ANYONE let alone MY SISTER do this to her husband who is protecting OUR COUNTRY? OUR FREEDOMS?? I honestly have NO CLUE what to say to my sister... she keeps calling and I just let it go to voice mail... I don't know if I should yell at her or what...

any advice?

Views: 11

Comment by Nalaya Oddly on March 20, 2009 at 5:40pm
Maybe you should tell her how you feel as calmly as you can and then I suggest after you tell her this NEVER speak of it again and for the love of Gaia remain silent, at least this way you can preserve some measure of peace and have the lines of communication open between you two.
Comment by SnowRaven on March 20, 2009 at 5:55pm
it's not really my sister and I that I'm worried about... I'm mostly worried about my brother in law and now I keep wondering if my neice is my brother in law's child
Comment by SnowRaven on March 20, 2009 at 7:51pm
yeah I've thought of that... which is why I'm wondering if I should just up and tell him
Comment by SnowRaven on March 20, 2009 at 8:29pm
well honestly I think it'll hurt him a lot more if I don't tell him... either way he's going to be hurt and upset... but I think he'll be more upset if I don't tell him
Comment by SnowRaven on March 20, 2009 at 9:29pm
yeah I think that's going to be the result and exactly what I do... I'm just trying to think of HOW to tell him... but then again there is no "easy" way
Comment by KittyMamma.. The Lady C on March 20, 2009 at 10:08pm
You can report her to her Ombudsman..that is the person who is supposed to be in contact with military wives, to keep them updated on the deployments. Oh, and if this boyfriend of hers is military, bring up the Uniform Code Of Military Justice to her, about how her lovely little boyfriend can be given a dishonorable discharge for sleeping with another military mans' wife...and he can face court martial. If he is not, time to alert your brother in law of the situation, at which time he can speak to his chaplain about a hardship situation, so that he can get this figured out. (I am ex-Navy) Also, if she has been married to him less than ten years, it is best if he gets a divorce from her cheating arse now, since after the ten year mark, she will get half his retirement. I know you love your sister, but think about your brother in law, who is fighting for our country, putting his life on the line for our protection. You have no idea how often I saw this while I was in, and how many men I had to help with divorces, because they found out their wives were cheating on them. Your sister is doing a horrible thing, and yes, this will put a huge wedge between you, but you are a person of respect and honor, and your sister is showing she is not. This is something she is showing her child is ok...that is not right. I think in this one instance, standing up for your brother in law would also allow him the chance to educate his child on the importance of honor and courage to stand up for what is right. Your sister will hate you for this, but at the same time, how can you face her child knowing what you know? That child, and that man, are innocents in this, and it will hurt them in the end.
Just some advice from an ex-sailor.
Comment by SnowRaven on March 20, 2009 at 10:19pm
Thank you so much for your advice Mamma. I really needed it. Until my sister married my brother in law we didn't really talk so much so I'm not really worried about going back to that. She's my sister yes, but at the same time my brother in law deserves to know the truth... and when I tell him I'm sure he'll be upset but I'm going to tell him all that I know and what I suspect. He needs to find out if my neice is really his or not now that this has happened. I don't however think this guy is military at all that she's seeing. She talked about how he only lives a few miles away. I don't think a single guy in the military would live that far from base. Thankfully they havent' been married 10 years or more. They got married the same time I was married and they also had their daughter the same time I had mine. So they've only been married 3 years. I know this will hurt him which is why I'm so upset... he's had this happen before, but I think it's better that he knows...

Again thank you SO much for your advice Mamma
Comment by KittyMamma.. The Lady C on March 20, 2009 at 11:35pm
You would be surprised how many single military men find housing off base. I would act as if you are supportive of her, and find out more about him. It will help so that you can go about this the right way. You are a brave woman for talking to your brother in law about it, since you care enough about him to let him know the truth. It will not be as distracting to his mission as you think, as I am sure he is already contemplating it in his mind. I am sure he has heard plenty of stories from the guys he is stationed with, who have had this done to them already. Giving him peace, and a way out as well as the means for a paternity test, will ease his mind more than you know.
Blessings to you, and your little one, and the sweet men (your boyfriend and your brother in law) who fights for the protections of this country.
Mamma Rhea
Comment by SnowRaven on March 21, 2009 at 1:39pm
Thank you again Mamma Rhea... I talked to my better half last night. (I don't get to see him until May.) So he called... I explained what I knew from being straight out told, and a friend of his was there, who he's normally deployed with. They both said they'd want to know even if they were deployed. Then when I told my better half that my brother in law doesn't deploy until Monday he said straight out. TELL HIM. So I put in a message to him last night that said to call me as soon as he could today when he was alone. My brother in law is a good man, he's a good Catholic man... I know he deserves to know and would NEVER do something like this to my sister... so he should have the same respect from her. He's stationed in Texas so he's going to call me tonight, after we've both had dinner and gotten the kids settled. I'm really nervous to talk to him, but I'm trying to keep myself calm and I keep remembering this is in the best interest of my brother and my neice.
Comment by Jade Myst on April 15, 2009 at 7:00pm
dearest Snow Raven...
I was reading your plight with your sister. I totally understand where you are coming from however...
You don't know what your sister may be going through in her marriage personally.
Sounds to me like you both have been out of contact in the past. And i am not for cheating...however, I do have a very good friend who cheated on her husband...they were married for over 15 years...two kids and she was so faithful to him..he never paid attention to her, cuddled and was communicating with her. She was ALONE in the marriage...she finally found love elsewhere and then left him. Afterwards..she found out he had cheated on her from day one.
HAving learned all this and lived a divorce myself...I understand it takes TWO to make a marriage work and TWO to make it falter.
Whether he is a service man or not..(praise him for his sacrifices) it doesn't change the fact he may be a poor husband..you have no idea of their bedroom intamacy.
I hope you find your peace...let it go...not your business...just between her and him.
just ask her NOT to include you for your peace of mind.
Karma is a wheel...it always comes back around my friend.

May the Goddess guide you and show you kindness as you show others.
Brightest blessings...

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