I am doing much soul searching to find "the truth" as defined by me. I dont see god or goddess being an external being. ive come to believe they are within me. as if my body is their temple. one is light, one dark. but they complete that which ive been looking for. one connects me to the earth and one to my spirituality. a heaven if you will. so long i have lived in a hell of my own making. certain events are not my fault. some things are outside of my doing. and some things i just need to let go. i think by connecting with myself that i am going to find the peace im searching for. and i am using knowledge to foster that connection. I am researching into gnosticism, and wicca as well as satanism and luciferianism which i see as two separate things. not that being a satanist is a bad thing. i may very be a satanist. thats why im researching. i dont want a label. i just wanna be me. gnosticism appeals to me because of the connection to jesus, which i prefer. i see him as a teacher and prophet, and not my savior. im fine just as i am. i dont need a baptisim to wash away my sins. i am not evil. i may make mistakes, but thats nothing for me to repent for. that seems trivial and selfish. there are other things that the spiritual god inside me and everyone else should spend his time on.