So I just got contacted by a tv production company (I can't say which one until the contract is signed, but I  will later. Hint: they work with the people that have "Shark Week") who wants me on their show that they are launching next year (hopefully) as their human occult dictionary. Kind of like a young Michelle Belanger except without the cool psy vamp stuff lol. 

Like the stupid flake I am I contacted them back today (a sunday) which didn't work out because it's California and no one works on sunday in cali lol. So I left a message and hopefully they get back to me.

Anyway....as the title states I am freaking out. I was the youngest in my town to finish my occult studies, I was the youngest girl in my town to hold a successful paranormal investigation, and I was the youngest girl in my town to start teaching the occult...through all of this I have never once flinched or freaked. But have a associate producer contact me and I fall to pieces like a flake. 

Why am I so worried?! They want me because of the accomplishments I achieved so young...it's a good thing. So why do I feel sick and want the earth to swallow me? Maybe because I'm afraid I'll succeed and this job will open the doors for bigger jobs like it did for so many other occultists (like Belanger). But why would that be a problem? This is what I wanted! This is what I have strived for....

I've always wanted to be great, to help others, and to make people happy doing what makes me happy........

 

So why don't I want it? Perhaps it is because I'm afraid to fail.......

To grab what I want by the horns and run with it.....and then fail and have it ripped away from me; and then living the rest of my days knowing I touched my dreams, messed up, and lost it forever......

How can anyone live with that pressure?! 

Especially the pressure at failing at something you love so much in front of millions of people.....now that is even scarier......

 

I guess we will see what happens. 

 

Send some energy please and keep your fingers crossed everyone.....

I'm going to need it. 

BB~Raven

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Comment by Kadactyl on March 7, 2011 at 12:13am
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