my ex boyfriends girlfriend called me last night. my husband intercepted the call. apparently my ex was talking about me in his sleep again. she knows that hes still in love with me. and she knows i still care about him. she tried to talk my husband into letting my ex have some sort of relationship with me. i love my ex too but i love my husband and i want to be faithful. i dont like the idea of hurting either one. my ex is only my ex because my parents did not like how close that ex and i were getting and forbid us from seeing each other, and had the ability to back it up. we had been together 8 years. and i miss him like crazy. he was my first love and my best friend. my husband and i are deeply in love, but not without our share of marital problems. first being we live with my mother in law. we are in the process of upgrading to a bigger place although my mother in law will always be living with us it seems. i cant say as the thought of having another person in my life other than my husband hasnt crossed my mind. i am quite lonely. husband works at night and sleeps during day, having 2 days off each week. if i found someone to be with me while he is away i would be a lot happier. it has very to do with sex. i just want a companion. and before anyone says, get a dog, i will say this, my mil refuses to let us have any animals of any kind. being bisexual i wouldnt mind being with a woman. i know that hubby wouldnt mind it either. im leary of being with women because im not the most attractive and its hard to find girls to see past that. i just dont want ex to keep suffering. hes already lost 3 marriages because he calls out my name in bed or sex, he has called his wives by my name before. i feel responsible. i love him and i hate to see him hurting like this. hes tried to stay away before, hoping this would just go away, but its not. polyamorous relationships can work. im not worried about the pregnancy issue as ive had a tubal. it would be an adjustment for the kids, i understand that, but i just want everyone to be happy. male or female, im tired of being alone. which is what i am for 5 days out of the week

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Comment by Cye Sagemoon on March 2, 2012 at 1:31pm

firstly, i have to say that i dont agree with poly relationships. but only because ive seen so many rip all peoples lifes apart involved including the kids. secondly...why did you get married if you still loved some other guy? isnt it your right to say who you love, your parents have no say now, and really had no say no matter what. being with someone for 8 years is hard to break things off. however seeming that its all just about sex and you being lonely sexual...sorry i dont get it if your still in love with someone only for the sex then is it love? not saying its not...because the few words here to go off from is a mixed bag of emotions.

me being me, im going to be brute choose to be with who you are now, past is past. my life is built around never looking back. and because of this ive had no conflicting emotions about my relationships ive been through. yes i have been in an open relationship.

ending in failure because my girlfriend at the time wanted the girl she had been cheating with me to hook up with me and we all be buddy buddy and i would just forgive her.

youve got alot of thinking to do, but before you choose what you want, think about others and not your own sexual needs. sex isnt everything.

not trying to be rude, just being me.

Comment by Silver Dove on March 2, 2012 at 9:12pm

thank you for the honesty. i dont want to mess up anyones lives, certainly not my kids. it was not my choice to break things off with my ex as i was only 13 at the time. we had been together since i was five, but not romantically involved until i was 12. we used to see each other nearly daily because our families bowled together. its hard to give that up. four years later i thought i was over him and began dating my husband. yeah i was 17. i loved him and not just sexually. we married and things went great until my husband started work as a truck driver and was away for months at a time, leaving me very alone. it was around that time that my exs girlfriend hunted me down on my myspace page and begged me to help her. i let him back into my life, first as friends. when it was apparent that things might become sexual, both of us backed off. i didnt want to be unfaithful and he didnt want to sleep with a married woman. i love my husband so i told him everything and i waited for his response. he forgave me. since then i have tried my hardest to stay away from my ex, but it kills me inside knowing that thinking of me is torturing him this much. he was my first love and i will always love him, i just hate to think of him in pain. i feel responsible and i am trying to come up with a solution to please everybody. i dont want to hurt my husband. i dont want to further hurt my ex. i dont want to screw up my kids lives. i just feel guilty for causing so much devastation to the people i love. its not like im pining over some other guy. i miss the past but i realize i cant go back to that. it would never be the same. i just dont know what to do. i have begged and pleaded with him to just forget me, but apparently he cant. i think about him from time to time but i am very much in love with my husband. my marriage has been strained because of living with my mil but theres nothing i can do about that. as for there being a woman in the picture, i havent found nor am i looking for a woman right now. someday maybe but hubby and i have already talked about that.

Comment by Mature Witch on March 4, 2012 at 9:50am

I don't agree with poly relationships, they seem to me to be a way to avoid commitment.  Now, separate love from dependence.  Do you really love that ex, or are you dependent upon the familiar?  Someone from your past naming you is a big boon to a battered ego.  Just don't confuse that boon to your ego with actual love.  You are in love with the idea of him loving you because it make you feel less lonely.  Deny access to the ex and all his chicks.  Change your number and get a PO box.  Do not give it to any of them under any circumstances. 

Stop clinging to the past.  Stop grasping for someone else to fill a void. It's your void, you fill it! 

Pick a craft to do, pick a cause to volunteer to further, pick a book outside religious ones, pick a park and take your kids. 

Do I see children in your pic?  What message are you sending them?


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