So I have not been on pagan space in a long while. I created this page to be able to reference back to this site when I eventually had the time to participate. I really love everything about what pagan space has to offer, so I wanted to keep a connection with it. 

Anyway, this blog is really a personal question that I've been wondering about for some time now. For the longest time I had always gone back and forth in my mind about what is the "right" way to be spiritually. I was raised Christian, but found my likes and attraction toward magick stronger. I accumulated many books and tools ...and then I got "saved" and went back to church and allowed myself to be influenced to throw out all my magickal items.

That's not all..keep reading..

Eventually magick found it's way back into my life because I never really let it go out of my heart. Some years passed, and I again allowed myself to be influenced by what people in the church said the bible had to say about magick and witchcraft and that it was wrong etc...and I again threw out all of what I accumulated since the last throw out.

Keep reading...

All that said after that last time of going back into the church, I again was attracted to what is in my heart which is magick.

The question:

After throwing away my tools twice and having to regroup all the energy I accumulated in those tools into new things..I had wondered if it was possible that I threw away my own magickal energy and power as a witch? 

Everything has energy and with such a powerful statement as to throw away what I believe in, I also wondered if the Goddess or Universe or whatever would be so kind and willing to in a sense "give me back what I'd thrown away" so easily.

Basically for the last 2 years, I've felt that I've been being tested magickally to see if I'm sticking to my guns this time. Although I've felt magick around me, I haven't felt it as much as before I threw away things the first time.

I've always felt that this current moment is a test to see if I will deny magick and the Goddess again. And if I pass this "test" then all the magick will return.

So basically what are anyone's thoughts on this? Am I over analyzing or crazy in my thinking on this?

Thanks for you input! :)

Views: 410

Comment by Kixs on December 9, 2013 at 5:12pm
When I was a kid I was totally involved in learning the guitar. I practiced daily, sometimes for hours. I learned tabs and chords, riffs, notes, etc. Then I had a child. In time of financial trouble I sold the guitar because food and housing were more important at that moment. A few years later when my financial life became stronger I bought another guitar, but my playing was very mechanical the music just wasn't as easy. But with practice and time it came back, differently but just as beautiful.
The guitar has been left sitting in the corner many times in my life for many different reasons. But every time it calls me back the music changes. But with practice it becomes just as beautiful even if it is different.
Comment by Tamakah on December 11, 2013 at 10:32pm

That makes a lot of sense, thanks for your analogy of it all, it fits what I'm talking about. But I'm also mainly wondering in a magickal sense, can magickal energy be lost by "throwing it away." I've always done "things" even when I called myself Christian. I've never really left, but the gesture of getting rid of everything, I wonder if the Gods, the Goddess, the Universe or whatever is holding back in a way to see if I am going to make the same decision again. 

I hope I'm explaining it right. I very much get where you are coming from and I can see how it applies to this, but I mean more from a spiritual sense, not really from a practical sense.

Comment by Kixs on December 12, 2013 at 7:39am

Energy is never lost, it just changes and it doesn't matter what the energy is, be it the energy of music or magical energy. It was your energy not the items energy and you still exists so does your energy.

In my personal beliefs I do not see my higher power being so petty as to get a upset in how I use my energy. I personally wouldn't worship a god or goddess that was that petty. So if your god or goddess feels as if they are holding back because of something like this, I suggest you find a more helpful deity. In my personal opinion I believe deities should be above petty human emotions such as envy or jealousy or spite. But that is my opinion, you can decide for yourself.

Comment by Frozen-Soul on December 14, 2013 at 7:34pm
I believe that the person holds the real power. Energy is everywhere but tapping into it takes skill/talent. Your magic will be restored, but walking away means you have to start all over again. The Gods would understand. Magic is energy, so it's neutral. Kinda.
Comment by Tamakah on December 17, 2013 at 9:31pm

Kixs I also feel the same way about a god or goddess or whatever that would be that small. Thanks for bringing me back to that. I wrote a blog about something to that affect a couple years ago and you reminded me. 

Honestly every person I talk to whether they are Christian, Pagan, or whatever they have basically alluded to the same thing..that God/Universe/Goddess etc are full of love and light and not as small as we like to make them out to be at times by the way we think. Thanks again.

Frozen-Soul, thanks for your input, I have to agree that "you have to start all over again" is exactly what it feels like. Although the starting over happened a while ago..actually getting back on this site, and doing my own personal rituals as well as just creating magick when I can wherever I can has helped me to reconnect. I've been doing the LBRP and I also chant Nam Myoho Renge Kyo..I love to pick and choose from different spiritual things and do them how I like or feel comfortable. Again thx for taking time to comment.

Comment by Devon Jensen on January 21, 2014 at 3:24am

Magick is a learned, and earned art. The magick is not stored in the the items and therefore can not be thrown away by just tossing them in the trash. These items can hold energies such as in talismans, but not "magick." Magick comes from you. Not from an athame, chalice, or wand. by throwing away those items you have told your mind (conscious and subconscious) to forget the things that those items represented, and the energies they stored. Thus you get the feeling of lost magick. You have forgotten, and not lost.  As you progress down the path of magick things will come back faster than you originally learned them. The LBRP will become as grand as it once was. It will even get stronger. Also try more involved things beyond the LBRP such as the middle pillar. This will speed up the process. Push the boundaries. Be careful how far you push them though. I have had rituals go wrong. Don't just think you will be successful. Know you will be successful. 

Comment by Lui Jin on May 14, 2014 at 1:17am

Seior is always there.. maybe its misery resulting from intense mourningfulness. This happens when conflicted with your own feelings. For weal or woe mentality in some beliefs affects your balance. You will find your way which ever it may be. embrace it and you will find what you seek. best wishes to you.

Comment by ღ Skye ღ on May 24, 2014 at 2:58pm

I don't think you "loose" your magick but you can suppress it. I too packed up all my stuff and sent it to storage (not thrown away) when I went back to the Christian faith. Now, I'm back and back to stay because it feels right. I feel I've come home. Embrace it and you too will feel like you found a long lost friend.

Comment by Tamakah on June 7, 2014 at 8:45am

Devon Jensen, Lui Jin and Skye, thank you for taking time to comment on my post. I haven't been on here in a good while. What you all wrote was very comforting to me. I appreciate what you all said and actually I have since been embracing and owning myself spiritually. I think some guilt was tied into it, from my Christian background and the guilt of throwing away my previous magickal items/tools. I have begun to let go of that guilt, doing a lot of soul searching and cleansing as to why I am actually taking part in the craft or whatever spiritual practice I affiliate with. I think once we start to take responsibility for ourselves in that way everything falls into place. So that is what I've been doing. I realized that once I started letting go of the guilt associated with why I let go of the magick to begin with is when I started to feel the magick "come back"..which never really left.

Basically a blockage of sorts. Thank you all again! I will try to be on here more often, I love what this site has to offer. Brightest blessings! <3

Comment by Sophi Lucine Wildsea on July 23, 2014 at 8:34am

This was like reading my own words, because the same happened to me. No one truly looses magik. It gets lost, yes, but we are a part of magik, we just need to find it within us. Have faith and things will go your way. Hugs and Blessed be )o(


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