When a person keeps a secret in their lives, it can be a very draining thing. It doesn't matter how big or how small the secret is, nor how important it is, a secret is a secret is a secret and in keeping them, they drain us of immense energy and happiness and draw not so good things to us on a continual basis until we have rid ourselves of them. I have found this out recently.

It is not that I am in the habit of keeping secrets, quite to the contrary, I am one who firmly believes in the school of deal with it now rather than later. It's much healthier that way for everyone involved. The one secret I kept because it would hurt a very dear friend of mine to know what I knew and at the time, she was dealing with so much in her life (her sister was dying of cancer and her daughter had just buried her first child..an infant). That's not the time to dump more onto a person, especially when it involved something that they were already aware of but had purposefully pushed to the back burner. An opportunity arose recently in which I was able to share my secret with her. She is now in a place where she can better handle hearing it and deal with it. What I knew wasn't anything pressing or needing immediate attention, but now that she has moved this issue from the back to the front burner, I felt it was time to stir it into the pot so that she could deal with the entirity of the situation with all the ingredients. The relief I felt was much more immense than I ever thought it would be. Just the tiniest of secrets was weighing down my life with such tremendous force and I was completely unaware of it.

The other secret involved a friend of mine, one who has moved on with their own life, I am no longer a part due to distance. I kept this secret out of selfish desire and despite my desire (thinking that what they don't know can't hurt them), things moved on from me anyway. It is not that the secret would have been life changing for either of us though it may have saved me much heartache and unhappiness. I cannot say for sure if this is true or not as it was not the path I choose and in going back and trying to figure out what would have come from the knowing is rather pointless. I cannot undo what has been done and will not torture myself with what if's. This secret will not cause them harm now, in fact it is merely old information that they can toss, it only hurt myself in keeping it. I've learned many things, some of which I honestly would rather have not learned but now that it is, I cannot regret the knowledge I have gained and am rather glad that it is now behind me.

I did not ask for forgiveness from either of these people. It was uneccesary for me to do so. I have forgiven myself and that is enough. The freedom I feel in releasing these secrets from my person and sending them out to the Universe at large has freed me from a weight that I was unaware of. It is not that I was completely unaware that things where holding me down amd keeping me back, it is that I was unaware that it was these two secrets, which didn't really amount to much at all, were responsible. The one was held in wait for a better time and the other is no longer necessary to keep, it served me no purpose in doing so and I know that now. I've released them and forgiven myself and life has taken on new meaning for me. The weight is gone, the sun is shining and I am in awe of the freedom I feel and the lessons I have learned. It is as I've always thought, the smallest of splinters can cause the greatest of pain. It is an odd thing to experience what I already knew but obviously had not yet learned. I breath fresh air again and move forward knowing that I have lived and learned. It's amazing to realize how much joy and happiness can come from the removal of such small splinters and that splinters can carry the weight of boulders......

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