Today was a good day... a tiring but good day

I spent part of the day with my husbands family, and then went back to the old house to dig flowers. I had a field day. I tore up 3 of the beds, removing them so I couldd plant them at my mom's. I uprooted several hundred bulbs, I quit counting after 200. I had crocus, and tulips, and daffodils and hyacinths, and grape hyacinths. I still have 2 beds left to go through, and i didnt even take all the bulbs. Now im tired and sore, but very much satisfied with myself. I love gardening. Next I get to plant them all, yay! It was easy pulling them, because I had good soil. But the soil I will be moving them to is rocky, and lacking nutrients. I will probably mix either some peat moss, or potting soil in the dirt as I plant them. I had so much fun. My kids and hubby visited with the family and I got to spend time with my fingers in dirt. Then I came home, and had a warm shower. Now Im laying down and my body aches, but I just dont care. Im just happy that I got to get my plants before we sell the house. We are close to closing on the house. The new owners told me to take the flowers, as they planned to dig them out and throw them away. What a waste. So I took my shovel, and a small cooler of drinks, and I sat in the dirt digging them out and putting them in piles around the beds. I had forgot bags. When I was about finished, I called Mom and had her come and get them, and then she took me home. When we got home, she took the boys with her, and we are getting some peace and quiet. i was just glad I got to see my plants. I missed them so bad. I feel so connected to the earth when I am gardening. Some people meditate, I garden. It clears my mind and helps me to think. Plus I like a little time to myself. I dont get that very often. I also dont feel well much of the time. I might be coming out of my depressive cycle. I hope. When I'm depressed I cant get anything done, I just feel so overwhelmed. But right now Im feeling pretty good. I wish I could feel like this forever. Tomorrow I'm going to try to get some cleaning done. I've been down and out with my sore hip and then the blisters on the bottom of my feet which laid me up for a few days. Stupid shoes. I hate wearing shoes. If I could I would go barefoot all the time. My feet are just odd. they are large for womens, I have wide width feet, but I have to be careful or the tops of the sneakers will bit into my foot on the top. And that hurts like hell. But thats nothing to getting blisters on the bottom of your feet. The skin blisters up, and then because you have to walk on them, they pop and then the skin rubs off. Which is like having your skin burned off. I put aloe on the sores, and that has helped. My left foot is still bothering me, but at least now I can walk without immense pain the whole time. I am feeling better now though. My night may be hell, as my husband got the bright idea to take the box spring off our bed, because it was broken down. But now the mattress sags badly and is very uncomfortable. Im not sleeping again. Partially from the bed, but I also suspect that my mood may be shifting. I wish I could find meds that would make it so I felt good, and made it so I could function. I just havent found the right ones, and I would see my med doctor, but hes out of town for an undisclosed period of time. Meanwhile I have no one else I can turn to.I will be okay. I just need to take it one day at a time. In the meantime, I will fantasize about what more I could add to my shrine. And plant flowers at my moms. It may take a few days to get them all planted, I still have some over at the house to get. Which means another day of digging. I love it. I wish I had things to plant every day. Between that and writing sex stories, I would be very happy. I love writing love scenes. And Ive been told Im very good at it. I want to be a romance novel writer someday. Course Id also love to win the lottery, but thats another story. Man, if I won the lottery, there is so much good I could do in this world, if I just had the money. I'd start an exotic animal rescue shelter. I would make a campground for pagans, where they could come, hold rituals, and experience other pagans. I would love to make a place for all pagan children to come and play without discrimination. Maybe even schools. Of course I have selfish desires, like castle on a hill. And have enough money set aside for my children, so they never have to want for anything. I just want their lives to be easy. I dont want them to have to struggle, or feel any sort of pain or suffering. If I won the lottery, I would have another child, maybe more. I would hire the best people to help with my son's adhd, and hopefully have a happier child. I know how he hates it when he struggles in school, and the other kids breeze by him. Hes so intelligent. Hes a whiz at math. He gets that from his dad. He has trouble in spelling. I do the best I can to help him, but even that doesn't seem to be enough. Things have brightened a little on the financial front for us, as when my father walked out, he decided in retrospect to share half of his check with us until we can get on our feet. My husband had an interview. But he doesnt think it went well. The other daywe ran into the guy who cost my husband his job at container, and he came up to us, smiling saying hi, and even tried to strike up a conversation. I wanted so badly to punch his lights out. Because of that jerk, we were homeless, when I was seven months pregnant with my second son. Because of him we are selling our house, so that we can pay all the bills we have amassed just trying to live. Because of him my husband lost a job paying 15.00 an hour, capable of supporting our family here. Because of him causing my husband to lose his job, my husband took a job which kept him away for months at a time, causing me to seek friendship with my ex, and damn near cost me my marriage. So I hate this man with a passion. I know I should forgive him. But I cant. This man ruined my life. My families lives. He didnt just screw with me, he screwed with the lives of my kids, and I wish I could make him pay somehow. I will not harm him, But is it too much to ask, not to see his smug ass all the time, acting like nothing happened? He will get his someday. Thats what I hope for.

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