I am the Bastard son of a rattlesnake and a pygmy marmoset. I live in a hollowed-out tree and I eat raw possum for breakfast. I drink entire bathtubs full of whiskey and I make love to women ten feet tall. My hobbies include polo, lacrosse, and random insanity.
When I was but A lad, I was abducted by wolves and forced to eat raw bloody bunny rabbits three times a day. It was A good life-hunting, mating and pissing on trees. When humans came into our territory I usually kidnapped them and sadistically drowned them in a giant tub of red Jello that I stole from a paraplegic republican drag queen.
Then one day two viet cong guerrillas found me and raised me to be a ninja. In time, I became a deadly killer. My favorite trick was to hide myself in a bowl of rice crispies, and then when my victim came along I would leap out and spit ninja stars in his face. once, I scaled the sears tower using only my teeth so that I could murder the man on the top floor (he had insulted a fellow ninja!) One time I even disguised myself as one of George Bush's old college buddies, so that I could secretly videotape him "chasing the dragon" with a few other elitist crackheads.
but then, one day, everything changed. I met a beautiful female who changed my life. Her name was Xoxlpixlkaflopflyarfl, and her family came from the Yargumflopf galaxy. She had two heads, three arms, eight breasts and seven sisters (which was the best part!). We had a beautiful Yargumflopfian wedding. The ceremony consisted of her beating me over the head with a rubber chicken while I smeared Ranch dressing all over her eight naked breasts.
But Alas, it was not meant to last. A great horde of Mormon Vikings from the land of Utah came and burned our little grass hut to the ground. Poor Xoxlpixlkaflopflyarfl was killed, but she died bravely, and killed many Mormons with her rubber chicken before being killed herself. I also killed many, but in the end I was forced to hide in the mountains for weeks, living on rat carcasses and roasted hobos.But finally, I was able to raise an army of African Pygmies, and we returned and crushed the Mormon Vikings. I stole their ship and sailed it to Kentucky, where I have since lived. To this day, my ship lies sunk beneath lake Reba, and it will only rise to the surface when I play the theme from "Happy Days" on my mystical possumskin bagpipes.
"Modern Magick" by Donald Michael Kraig
"The Art of War" by Sun Tzu
"The Book of Five Rings" by Miyamoto Musashi
The Kama Sutra of Vatsayana
"The Encyclopedia of Celtic Myth and Legend" by John and Caitlin Matthews
the Tain Bo Cuailgne and its preludes
Cath Maige Tuireadh
The Lebhor Gabala
The poetic Eddas
"1984" by George Orwell
Anything by George R.R. Martin, Raymond Feist or Robert E. Howard, Thomas Paine, Benjamin Franklin, or John/Caitlin Matthews
Beliefs / Practices
Woodburning art, Hunting, woodcarving, playing the guitar, Airsoft, Martial arts, and juggling porcupines while singing opera...
Robin Hood, Ghandhi, William Wallace, Vercingetorix, Crazy Horse, Tecumseh, Che Guevara, Bobby Sands, James Connolly...and anyone else who has given their life in the pursuit of freedom.
How did you find PaganSpace?
Well, according to the Catholic church, I found this site by eating ergot and
looking in my crystal ball, which sits right next to the slaughtered goat that I used to summon up satan so I could have sex with him last halloween.
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